Forbidden Doors; Overcoming Desires

Late at night when my flesh whispers to me and my thoughts slithers near forbidden doors 

You are there clothing me with your power, Grace, and mercy

When the voices of the world seem to sing me a lullaby of my past...

You remind me of my current gift and the future that you are preparing for me

When I yearn to hear a deep voice woo my loneliness 

You remind me that quiet still voice is the only real comfort I need, there is nothing temporary about you.

When I feel like I can't overcome by the waves of these fleshy desires

You remind that the flesh was stripped from your back and pierced to a cross so I could have access to that overcoming freedom

Your I am is true because truth is the very fiber of your being, the foundation where love flows from...

So as honest as my feelings may seem during the darkest moments in the sky

I am choosing to rest on the Son that shines and lights on all hidden places in my life.

Only you have seen all of my secret thoughts and hidden places and deep hurts...and love me the same.

So tonight as my flesh pines for what was

I surrender and marvel at a love that is and will always be.

Thank you for loving me Jesus.

I remember about 2 years ago I was in a place where I was mad at God, I was in a place where I couldn't deny who he was in my life but at the same time I wanted to rebel and push away because things weren't going my way and the pruning stage of my growth occurring.

 I was lonely, and I was missing being intimate with a man. I was no longer in the honeymoon stages with God, I was in the marriage phase where we had to work some things out... That didn't sit too well because I thought "God if I am not feeling my relationship with you then you are not really there for me, what about my needs God? Why am I going through these things?" You see relationship with God takes commitment, it takes active effort on our part to draw close and truly be married to him.

 At that time I had the number of someone who I entertained and temporarily used to fill that God size void in my heart. You see I didn't really see a future with this person but he was a desired distraction from my present. He was that person I called knowing that he would pick up no matter what... Pause can we be real about this..y'all know we all have that saved number that we should have deleted a LOONNNGGG time ago. That person was mine. 

Looking back at this place now I cringe and at the same time smile because I realize two things. The first, I was extremely selfish and manipulative in that season behaving like a Jezebel. I wanted God my way or not at all and if he wasn't going to move at the speed that I wanted Him too I would help him along, silly right?? That Jezebel spirit is no joke. The second thing I realize was that even when I was intentionally seeking to be disobedient God was still pursuing me relentlessly, providing me with opportunities/ moments to obey him. Beloved the same saving Grace that picks us up when we fall, if we look back also will provide us escape routes to protect us and propel us to a deeper maturity. It gives us the power to say no to sin and yes to God.

I didn't know then that God had already equipped me with the power and ability to pass those tests with my flesh but I had to choose to access that power. Beloved God has given us all the power we need to overcome these strongholds in our lives we just now have to learn how to tap into that power.

How do we access that power?

1. Be honest with God. God isn't afraid or surprise by your feelings. In fact he would much rather you express it and share it with him then run around and tell everyone and their mamma. That love letter in the beginning of this blog was a journal entry I had at 2-3 o'clock in the morning. I chose to be honest to God about where I was, my desires, I chose to be unashamed like David. 
2. Stop Lying to Yourself. Before we can tap into that power that is trap in you, you have to stop lying to yourself. Stop pretending that everything is OK..it's not..you are in a battle and you are taking critical hits, a good amount of it from your own gun.
3. Put on the full Armor of God. One of my favorite Pastor/teacher is Dr. Tony Evans, he just has the ability to present the word of God in a way that blows your mind and can make sense to even the smallest child. It would be an injustice for me to try to explain what I have learn from this so I attach the video below. Watch it, take notes =)
4. Stand Firm and Have faith. Beloved you are a new creation in Christ, when God freed you from sin he freed you from all sin. You have to believe in that truth, you have to stand firm in it. Then you have to work out your salvation in that truth.  

My prayer today is that you will stop allowing your feelings to lead you to forbidden doors. My prayer today is that what you have been wrestling with for so long you place it before the throne of God and not the audience of men.

Beloved Rise,