Alive While Black; Lord Why did you Make me Black??

I didn't realize I was black until I came to America. I didn't realize it was a problem until the darkness of my skin made me suspicious to those who swore to protect me. I didn't realize how ingrained living with this had become until all the recent cases regarding the police killing black men/children and getting off without even a slap on the wrist hit me like a ton of bricks. Am I shocked by the lack of justice?? Am I shock by the response, anger of the people??

No I am not.

We live in a fallen, dead world. We live in a time where we chastise those who are faithful, bully those who are innocent and justify those who are corrupt. A time where the normal state of mind is "It's not my business, I don't need to get involved" or "It's not wrong as long as you don't get caught". Fear, and ignorance are ruling the hearts of man and the underlying prejudice and hate that people were harboring for so long on the down low is now pushing out of the cracks of a frail broken system. This was inevitable.

For awhile I was so tired of being black. I was so tired of being followed through stores because my skin color seem to scream "THIEF". I was tired of being followed by cops on the road because I appeared to be in the wrong place, neighborhood. You know what I was tired of the most being the token "black friend, student, example of a black girl that made it, or better yet spokesperson for the black race in any discussion where I am surrounded by white individuals...I could share stories of my #AliveWhileBlack moments where the pure ignorance and hatred literally shook me to my very core and made me wonder, "I must have doe something to deserve this..it can't just be because I am BLACK".....(maybe in another blog, I just don't know where to start)....today I want to share a poem that literally brought me to tears the firs time I read it. A poem that spoke to the hurting, tired part of me.

Lord Why did you Make me Black??

By: RuNette Nia Ebo

Lord, Lord,
Why did You make me Black?
Why did You make me someone
The world wants to hold back?

Black is the color of dirty clothes;
The color of grimy hands and feet.
Black is the color of darkness;
The color of tire-beaten streets.

Why did you give me thick lips,
A broad nose and kinky hair?
Why did You make me someone
Who receives the hatred stare?

Black is the color of a bruised eye
When somebody gets hurt.
Black is the color of darkness.
Black is the color of dirt.

How come my bone structure’s so thick;
my hips and cheeks are high?
How come my eyes are brown
and not the color of the daylight sky?

Why do people think I’m useless?
How come I feel so used?
Why do some people see my skin and think I should be abused?

Lord, I just don’t understand;
What is it about my skin?
Why do some people want to hate me
And not know the person within?

Black is what people are “listed”,
When others want to keep them away.
Black is the color of shadows cast.
Black is the end of the day.

Lord, You know, my own people mistreat me;
And I know this just isn't right.
They don’t like my hair or the way I look
They say I’m too dark or too light.

Lord, Don’t You think it’s time
For You to make a change?
Why don’t You re-do creation
And make everyone the same?

(God answers)

Why did I make you black?
Why did I make you black?

Get off your knees and look around.
Tell Me, what do you see?
I didn’t make you in the image of darkness.
I made you in the Likeness of ME!

I made you the color of coal
From which beautiful diamonds are formed.
I made you the color of oil,
The black-gold that keeps people warm.

I made you from the rich, dark earth
That can grow the food you need.
Your color’s the same as the panther’s
Known for (HER) beauty and speed.

Your color’s the same as the Black stallion,
A majestic animal is he.
I didn’t make you in the Image of darkness
I made you in the Likeness of Me!

All the colors of a Heavenly Rainbow
Can be found throughout every nation;
And when all those colors were blended well,
YOU BECAME MY GREATEST CREATION.

Your hair is the texture of lamb’s wool
Such a humble, little creature is he.
I am the Shepherd who watches them.
I am the One who will watch over thee.

You are the color of midnight-sky,
I put the stars’ glitter in your eyes.
There’s a smile hidden behind your pain
That’s the reason your cheeks are high.

You are the color of dark clouds formed
when I send My strongest weather.
I made your lips full so when you kiss
the one you love they will remember.

Your stature is strong; your bone structure, thick
to withstand the burdens of time.
The reflection you see in the mirror…
The Image looking back at you is MINE!

REFLECTION

There are things I will never understand living in this society....I will never understand the ability of mankind to dehumanized each other, to teach/act upon hate...I will never understand why fear coupled with ignorance and prejudice will be enough reason to take a life...I will never understand why some lies are more precious than others..I will never understand why we still haven't learn from history....

I just don't get it

I believe that there will always be injustice in any community I choose to live in. I also believe that the injustice won't always be targeted at me. Life just isn't fair and its easier to blame the world for everything that we see and experience. It's not that hard to look outside and see the flaws of the government system, media, workforce (the past few weeks it's all been screaming pretty loudly at us)... but it's even harder to realize that the flaw that we seek on the outside actually begins IN me and in you and to inspire change we need to BE the change. 

One of the main reasons why I love this poem is because it shows the power of perspective. This poem never list excuses to why people are born a certain way, it never tries to dismiss the attributes/features that make us stand out; instead it focuses on the strengths and power in how we choose to see yourselves.

"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect"

I realize that I might always be seen by some as black/nigger/victim by some unfortunate people but it only matters if I continue to see myself that way, act, speak, and dream tat way. You see Beloved it doesn't matter what people call you it's matters what you answer to.

Being black is no longer a burden for me because my mind has been renewed. It is now a privilege that was given to me because I now have unique experiences that will cause me to impact the world. You and I are purposed for great things!! There are things that in the hands of God can inspire so much change. Last night I watch an interview of the family of DJ Henry, the son of a member of my church here in Boston that is a perfect example of what the enemy met for evil, God has used for our good.

Danroy "DJ" Henry was a 20 yr. old young man from Easton, MA, a junior at Pace University in New York who was fatally shot and killed by NY police officers Oct. 17, 2010. DJ waiting to pick up his friends from a bar brawl was parked in a fire lane with his best friend in the car in the passenger seat. A cop told them to move the car. They did. Less than a few minutes later, they drove a few feet when officer Aaron Hess suddenly and inexplicably jumps on the hood of the car and starts firing through the windshield. DJ was shot through the heart and lungs, Henry was pulled from the car by police and died to long afterwards on the street unattended. The officer stated that he open fire because he believed that DJ was attempting to run him over. It's now 2014. Justice has yet to be served and the account by Aaron Hess about that night has changed.

If it was my baby brother who is currently the same age that DJ was when he was murdered I would find it nearly impossible to forgive. It would even be harder for me to see a cop and not have the idea in my head that this cop could be corrupt and see me/friend/loved one as a threat that needs to be taken out, but this Kingdom family in this interview responded with so much grace, maturity, wisdom, and class. His father surrounded by young men his son's age dealing with whatever emotions and memories that the recent news has caused to surface for him and his family charges them to be great anyway, to seek excellence, to live a life that is worth remembering because if death was to come the life lived well will be honored.

So echoing Danroy Henry Sr. I invite y'all to seek excellence with me daily, to be great anyways, to live nobly and honorably in spite of it all because it doesn't matter what you are called it matters what you answer to. 

Beloved Rise,

Nubian King; Letter to my Brothers

Last night I went to sleep with tears in my eyes and a heaviness in my spirit. This was precipitated by the news from Ferguson and the most recent news from Cleveland, and the no indictment in the Eric Garner case. I felt such an urge to reach out to my baby brother to remind him that he is a King, an asset to this life no matter what the world says. I wanted to remind him that even if society/the world saw him as a threat I saw him as a world changer. I could easily focus on the injustice of our government system, I can easily follow that up with theories that state the obvious maltreatment of minorities in our country but I am choosing instead to move away from the easier and attempt to tackle the difficult, which is to edify, build up, lift in prayer and challenge my Nubian Kings as a fellow Queen. I am choosing instead to write this letter as a call to humility, prayer and action.

Dear Black/Minority Man,

You are a KING...You are a KING...You are a KING. If I could take the time to say this multiple times to every single one of you I would. You are filled with purpose, power, and ability to inspire change. You my Kings are an example of true strength and perseverance, because even when all the odds are stack against you, you still find a way to survive. You my Kings are an asset, gifts not a problem that needs to be fixed/figured out by outside human powers. The change you are looking for begins with a deep look at your reflection.

Less than a 100 years ago the flesh from your backs were stripped/ burned off your bodies. Your dangling bodies in the hot sun was considered entertainment. That brutality and savagery tried to break the burning fire that is your spirit but it only inflamed your desire to live, increased your ability to dream. You endure but were left scarred. The physical scarring healed but the emotional, psychological one was left festering creating the environment we live  in.

Nigger became "Nigga" a term of endearment with a history of imprisonement, the word "boy" that was once used as a phrase that met less than is now a catchphrase we throw around more between us than any other race. Thug, Criminal, Gangsta, Dead-beat, Thief, Murderer, Drug dealer, Cheaters became labels we became comfortable living, and witnessing. Enough is enough!! It's time to reclaim your rightful place! It's time to rise & unite. You are Kings.

Survival has been the way of thinking. The heaviness of an unfair, bias justice system has been a steady lash on your backs...yet you still persevere. Your tenacity and strength just move me, Kings. It's not easy being black/minority, on certain days it can be downright hell but God made no mistake when he made you. So hold on my brothers, you were born for such a time as this. Rise up Kings and take your place. Nothing will change unless we inspire it. 

If you haven't heard it in a long while just wanted to end with saying you are LOVED. I appreciate you. 

Challenge: So whoever is reading this I am challenging you to reach out to the men, boys in your life and speak life into them, give them a place of peace. Send them a text message, a reminder, write them a letter. Right now! There is enough hate circulating around let's pour out love.

Beloved Rise,

Here for a Little While....

I've been having for the past few days what could be considered by the average world to be a really morbid thought. I find it creeping up once in a while in my most quiet & intimate time. Moments where my spirit is still and my mind is at rest. I get this overwhelming sense that I am here on this Earth for only a little while.

No...I am not deathly sick & no I am not suicidal (all though that is part of my testimony).... I realize that by and by I am becoming more Kingdom minded, more Heavenly focus. I have given up my citizenship to this world, I have revoke my allegiance to the normal way of living/thinking and have accepted that I will always be a stranger in this place. A temporary visitor on assignment.

I remember the first time I flew on a plane to come to America. I was 8 years old, I can't say I really understood what it meant to be on that plane, in my childlike innocence this was just an adventure. I didn't realize that America would now be my home, I didn't know that my life as I knew it in Haiti was over. I remember being so nervous because not only was it going to be my first time on a plane but I would also be flying by myself. That trip was the first time I ever felt like a foreigner. Not everyone spoke the same language as me on that plane, my whole life I was surrounded by people who look like me, spoke like me, and for the most part in my childlike mind thought like me. During that moment I realize that life/ the world was bigger than my little sphere of knowledge. It was an end to what was comfortable for me and an expansion to something that would be better for me. Looking back now I realize that this experience was a character forming moment. From that moment I would have multiple experiences where I felt like I just didn't fit in which I'll share in another blog. But just like that plane ride was leading me away from what I knew it was bringing me to a new place. Death can be viewed like that plane ride.

Death is the beginning of life in a different form. It's interesting to me how we don't mourn the end of pregnancy but we celebrate it, anticipate for it, prepare for it. In fact we so look forward to it that we have created apps that help us countdown to the inevitable. How awesome would it be if we mature to a place as believers/people where instead of fearing death, fighting to avoid it, to the point that we ignore it. We rejoice because Jesus conquered death. Due to his victory it is no longer something to fear but something that we can anticipate with excitement. Our death will be an end to our pain, suffering, persecution, trials, and all that we knew of here on Earth but it will also be our birthday in Heaven. Just like a baby stayed in the womb for only a little while and at the appointed time was received in the world so should we look forward to and plan for the day where we have a new birthday.

Dear Abba,

Thank you for placing eternity in my heart. Thank you for always reminding me that the pain that I endure each day is for a greater purpose but most importantly will only last for a little while. Daddy help me not to get lost in the busyness and fleeting things of this world. Help me to trust your process in this journey. Remind me daily that death is not the only the end of what I know but the beginning of more than I could ever imagine. Etch your presence into my very being so when I fear or doubt, I am reminded that you promised to never leave or forsake me. I pray Lord that my fellow brothers and sisters become so eternally focus that they realize that each second on this Earth is an opportunity to grow in love which lasts for Eternity because YOU are LOVE. Amen  

Beloved Rise,

Live Like No One Else: Debt Free Journey

In 2014 I declared Armageddon on debt. I felt like screaming from the top of my lungs how much I HATED it. While reflecting on every dream that I had, dreams of travelling, building organizations, and just being an overall giver and explorer, I became so upset thinking of all the debt I was responsible for. I became upset mostly because I was tired of being asked the theoretical question, "If money was not an issue, what would you be doing right now?" And have it remain just that a theory. I don't believe that money should be a limited, I believe that it should eventually work for me. For the things I want to do in Christ and for Him I believe that through sacrifice, discipline, planning, self-control and money management on my part he can and will bless me. Becoming a good stewardess became a goal for me. I'm not going to make this a huge faith/theology thing but it never made sense to me that Christians proclaiming to know God in all his glory didn't see the issue in struggling, living beyond their means/paycheck by paycheck when they had daily access to sensible advice from the Bible. So I said no more!!

As of  10/15/14 I am proud and bless to say that I am credit card debt free and have saved $1,000+ in my saving. I am on journey to be debt free by the age of 25 or the year of 2016. I am currently 23. This blog is possibly the first of many sharing details about my debt free journey. I hope that this encourages, challenges someone and if there is any questions that I could possibly answer please post below. 

Getting Started

1. I guess the first part in getting started is deciding to START. It sounds so cliche but it didn't start becoming real to me until I made up my mind to get serious about it. For me that met I had to write it down. Make it a goal or series of goal and make it visible to me from the moment I wake up to the moment I close my eyes.

2. I had to figure out where I stand. How much money did I make a month? What was I spending money on? What did I spend my most on? How much debt did I have? Who did I owe? When did I have to start paying? What was credit? What was my score? My Trends? My Habits?

So for me this step help me figure out how serious I was about the process because I had to put actions to my words. In this step you have to gather all of your financial information (Bank accounts, loan accounts, car payment, investments, house payments, credit card account) everything. I literally stalk everything, I called my banks for my passwords, the dreaded loan people for loan information. When I gathered majority of this information the site and resource that help me figure things out was Mint.com

Mint is a free personal finance tool. It literally gathers all of your financial information into one safe place. Within it you can set up goals, create a budget, create a reminders, and so much more. My favorite part of this site is what occurs after you take the time and link all your accounts. In the transaction tab you can place every transaction into a category, everything eventually falls into a category and from that point on it auto-categorize every thing you spend. The absolutely cool think about this (...yes I think it's cool and it make my geeky finance heart beat fast) is that when everything is in a category you can see your trends. It will show you in a bar graph/pie chart where you spend your money over time, in different categories. So cool!!! This and Credit Karma are my favorite and most used tools. Both are very self-explanatory and efficient. Both come as an app and both were recommended to me by a financial advisor.

3. The third step after gathering all of my financial account into one place (mint/credit Karma) I went to one of my banks and created an inconvenient savings account that was linked one way to my most active checking account. I sat down and signed an automated transaction where weekly $50 dollars is transferred from that checking into that saving (The amount depends on your financial situation but in order to create the habit of saving the amount should NOT be high enough that you are constantly aware of it, gradually you can increase it as you develop better money behavior/income).

Hint: For this to work this saving account should not be easily accessible. It should seriously be a bother for you to take money out (I.e you driving a distance, parking the car, standing in a line, showing ID in order to get access to that money). Do whatever to create in your mind that this money is unavailable to you unless it's a dire emergency.

4. Get Educated from Financially Successful People. One of the best $14 I have ever spent was on Dave Ramsey book "My Total Money Make Over". It's crazy to me how as a generation and people we ask help from people in the same sinking position as us. As my pastor says "you don't taking swimming lessons from a drowning man". I want to be debt free so I had to seek out and learn from people who ARE debt free or close to or at least on the journey. Read the book. It will change your life. 

5. If you have done the steps above and at least YouTube Dave Ramsey by now you've probably heard of the Debt Snowball. Doing all of these things and combining it to Dave Ramsey Baby Step plan I have been able to pay off 3 credit cards and save $1,000+. I am currently on Baby Step 2: Debt Snowball. I have listed the steps below. But the basic reasoning of the Debt Snowball is to start paying off your debt from the least to the highest building momentum. Every payment that is completed you add the amount of what you use to pay toward the next debt until that is paid off and continue until you snowball your way into debt freedom.

I hope this encouraged you to wake up and see this life changing opportunity to change your lineage by becoming debt free. I don't know about you but I am tired of being a slave to money, payments. I am tired of having more bills or month left to money. I am a server/student, it's not that I have a ridiculous amount of money to throw on this debt. But I truly believe that I can get out of debt in 2 years with some hope, tears, sweat and sacrifice. Join me! 

Beloved Rise, 

Stuck on Boaz

My prayer is that you Beloved hear my heart and understand my intention in writing this blog. This blog is NOT a criticism towards the idea of waiting on your "Adam/Boaz". I am a firm believer that if it is the will of God for you to be married/ to have a family it WILL happen. One of the many truths that I stand on is that the word of God will never return void. What he says, IS...but I can't help observing that many of us are STUCK on Boaz or this idea of him (an imperfect human being) rather than glued to CHRIST. I can't help myself noticing the irony of wanting to be presented/handed to God's BEST (man of God chasing after Him) yet refusing to be IN HIS HANDS submitted to His will.

So has this concept/ideal of "Adam/Boaz" taken Gods place in your heart? Is Jesus even enough for you? Are you even prepared for that ministry??...because let's be real marriage is suppose to be an earthly representation of the relationship between Christ and the church. Are you ready to follow and serve? Are you willing to humble yourself and work through things even if your feelings are not in agreement?

Can God even trust you with one of His Sons?

There has been such a push lately of women desiring to be in a Godly marriage. That is so awesome!! So many sisters are now creating Godly standards and learning to stick to them. At the same time we seem to forget that all though we are all Gods PRINCESSES, the men we are praying for are His SONS, a KING-in-training. The men after His heart are purpose, they are giving a mission which is to use the talents/gifts given to them to go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that Jesus has commanded them. Hear me well when I say that all though not every man is going to end up in China, Siberia, Africa or wherever, all of them who confess Jesus as their Lord and Savior will have to become Christ ambassador in their spheres of influence. As women according to the Bible we are met to be a HELPMEET this mission.

Now if we were to actually go and study the Book of Ruth (where the story of Ruth/Boaz is located) you can learn that Ruth was in the process of becoming a true HELPMEET long before Boaz entered the scene. When we start in Chapter 1 we find Naomi and Ruth widows with no where to turn and with no one truly to depend on. Naomie had suffered the loss of both her husband and two sons and was devastated. She now had the responsibility of two daughter-in-laws during a period in time where it was difficult to live without the protection and covering of a man. Naomie knew of the hard times to come and the dangers to come while travelling with two beautiful and basically single women and she gave her two daughter-in-laws a choice.

Go back to what they were familiar with (home, family, potential of getting married again, security) or......come with her to an unknown land and face unforeseen challenges while believing in an unfamiliar God. In that moment Ruth had to make a choice. A. W. Tozer said it best when he said that "The choices of life, not the compulsions, reveal character". In that moment Ruth begin forming the character of faith. By declaring to Naomie that her people and God would now be hers she displayed something that many of us women fail in doing today, which is trusting God to order our steps and lead us in plans that are not met to harm us but are created to give us a new hope.

How can we be asking God to give us the ministry of marriage when we aren't faithful in the place/portion we have now?   Why should he bring us to that area of unknown when we struggle in taking that leap of faith of letting that random go, leaving that job, or even just speaking/forgiving that person. It wasn't easy for Ruth to leave all that she knew but she recognized and seized a truth. You can't remain comfortable on this journey with God. Every men or women who truly walk with God had to leave something behind in order to move forward. 

When I get into my feelings, (usually after watching a ridiculous amount of romantic movies) I imagine what it would be like to meet this guy that I am purposed to share this life with. I wonder if our eyes will meet across a room, or would we bump into each other in a crowded area, will I trip and find myself saved from a teeth breaking close call by his hands on my arms, or would it be slow realization after years of friendship. I realize today that the meeting was not as important as the process, which I will call the Eve Process.

I found it so interesting how the creation of Eve had really no active participation on Adam part. Outside of getting a rib (notice it's not a toe for him to walk on or hair to sit on top of Him) Adam was asleep during the whole thing. God his Father saw that he had a need and went about providing for it. Eve was that answered need.

I can't help but to feel that intimacy during her forming. God was literally forming her, stitching her, molding her into the woman she needed to be. The man had no opinion but God had complete control. Whew. I like to think of that brief time as Eve single season. During that moment she had God undivided attention. She wasn't rushing the process because ultimately she was in the hands of the Creator of Time. Only when she was ready according to His Timing was Adam awoken and presented this beautiful gift, which is what we are after going through the process.

How can we tell God to wake our Adam or present us to our Boaz when we keep running from our process?  Every woman who have been presented to Gods BEST has had an Eve Process, a season of preparation, a season of complete intimacy with The Lord. Ruth season of preparation involved her working the land during the beginning of the barley harvest.

When I read Ruth story I feel in my heart that Boaz field was either not the first field she tended/work or that first meeting was not the first time she was found working on the harvest. I say this because when Boaz acquired about her from the guy in charge of the reapers, he was able to tell him that Ruth was Moabite who traveled with Naomie who has been working from early in the morning until that point with just a short rest. He identified her as a hardworking woman, dedicated, something that you don't always see after just one meeting....But the main point is that Ruth was developing a Godly reputation that was preceding her and speaking for her in her absence. I am pretty sure that Ruth was not the only women in the field, but just like Adam eyes were open only for Eve causing an outpouring of adoration so was Boaz to Ruth. Which brings me to a little love note shared to me by God, what he has for you is for YOU. No one can take it in fact he has said in his word "What no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined the things that God has prepared for those who trust Him". Beloved trust Him with your heart and love life. Instead of passively waiting, pining for the Boaz/Adam to come learn to enjoy the Eve Process.

How to Enjoy the Eve Process

1. Develop sound doctrine. It's shocking to me how vulnerable we women/singles especially are vulnerable to horrible doctrine/theology. Instead of pinning for an imperfect man lets agree to study THE  Creator of Man. There are way too many books, podcast, resources available out there for us to continue to excuse ignorance. It's not that you don't know, eventually it comes to the truth that you don't want to know.

2. Develop a prayer life/intimate time with God. Nothing beats spending true uninterrupted time with your Creator. There is something so personal in allowing Him to download himself into you. When you develop that it's more difficult to be fooled into allowing something else become your source. Beside in marriage, women we are called to pray, to intercede in the spiritual realm, cover our husbands, family, friends, environments. I don't know about you but I don't want to learn/develop that skill in the midst of an attack when I have more to lose.

3. Develop a Healthy Lifestyle. How can you get busy doing the work of God if you are always sick and tired. Your body is his temple. It's time we start treating it that way. Beloved let's stop believing lies that we can be great in God while living undisciplined and without self control. Being obese, skinny unhealthy is not godly. Point Blank. Learn to cook healthy meals. Good exercise habits.

4. Discover who you are & mature in areas of weakness. Pastor Andy Thompson shared in a sermon 10 questions everyone should about themselves. Below I've listed the questions from Pastor Andy but I truly want to stress the beauty of discovering who you are with are. What's your love language? Forgiveness Language? Stressors? Stress Releasing Habits? Favorite Activities? Pet Peeves? Likes and Dislikes?

• What are your strengths?
• What are your core values?
• What are your weaknesses?
• What do you like? What does your perfect look like? What are your desires?
• How are you viewed? What do people say about you?
• How did you get here?
• What is happening right now?
• Where are you going?
• Who are your friends?
•  Who are your enemies?

      5. Get your financial life in Order, become knowledgeable on marriage. It's mind boggling to me how we desire for this season but we lack in preparing to be successful in it. Did you know that statistically finances, lack of communication of one of the main reasons marriages end up in divorce?  There are so many great books by amazing authors that teach about happy, successful marriage. How to get them and most importantly how to keep them. Cornelius Lindsey: "So you want to be Married, I'm Married, Now What", Andy Thompson: "Handle with Care", and Willard F. Harley, Jr: "His Needs, Her Needs; Building an Affair-Proof Marriage." Bring something worthwhile to the table start working on you, knocking down some credit card/loan debt. Be active! Check out my blog Live Like No One Else: Debt Free Journey

No man can ever complete your life outside of Christ and waiting to live for that moment is truly an insult of that life that Christ died to give you. So all though this blog was written with my sisters in mind this is an encouragement to all SINGLES, get busy doing the work of God, Get lost in discovering His Character. Don't pine away for the reward of a relationship when GOD is all the gift that we could ever hope for.

God isn't expecting perfection, he is however requiring dedication.

Beloved Rise,

Fear of a Woman

So I just experience a moment that has left me feeling a series of emotions, fear, anxiety, slight panic, and absolute RAGE. So much so I felt led to write this blog while sipping some tea to really just process it completely and just allow the Holy Spirit to calm my nerves.

I don't even know how to properly express the feelings I am experiencing right now. I think one of the main one that just automatically come to mind is, I am PISSED OFF. I am LIVID that I live in a world/ society where my safety is in jeopardy simply because I am a woman. I am upset because we live in a world where degrading women have become such a norm that we no longer blink an eye when it happens. I am furious because more and more often in every form of media woman are being shown less as human beings and more as human parts met to be pawed or handled...but mostly heartbroken at the message we are sending to our young girls and teaching our young boys. Fear is suppose to be my friend, blame is suppose to be my burden to bear...and tonight the idea of carrying either has left me infuriated and reflective.

The Moment

On my way home tonight from church, I rode the bus home. Within a few minutes of actually riding on the bus my phone died. I wasn't too concerned because the bus ride was 40 minutes long and depending on the bus driver the walk home never takes me more than 5 minutes. As I hot step my way home I realize that I had lock my key in my mothers car, and as I came closer to home I realize that the only person home was my mother who was most definitely in deep sleep. Rang the doorbell, no answer...knock on the door, no response. Now having a dead phone has become an issue.

I decided to find a place/ store where I could charge my phone and proceeded down the street. Almost immediately I was approached by a guy who offered me to just follow him to his house that was across the street where "I can hang out and watch TV while my phone charged...This was followed by comments like "You're so beautiful, how old are you, you have such a pretty face" Immediately red alarms went off and I ended the conversation. The mister must not have gotten the memo even when I stated that someone was waiting for me because he decided to move a bit closer. I firmly told him no and good night and proceeded to walk across the street towards a gas station that was filled with people. As I got closer I notice a car was following me!! This guy had jump in his car to follow me and proceeded to drive and stop every few steps I took all the while gesturing for me to get in the car. Right before I reach the gas station, he screech the car to a stop and attempted to get out.

I was scared.

I made it into the safety of the gas station and someone who actually saw the whole interaction asked me if I was all right. I charge my phone for a bit, contacted my brother and told him the situation. The gas station was closing and I decided to make a decision. I was not going to allow this man to place fear in my heart, I waited a bit to make sure his car was not close and decided to take the opposite street home.

Power of Prayer 

It's crazy how heightened your senses become when you are afraid. Every sounds seem like roaring thundering crashing right over your head...Every shadow a living, breathing incarnation of every childhood nightmare.

So I prayed

"Daddy I am scared but I believe the promises that you promised me. You said no weapons formed against me shall prosper, that you are always with me and that you will never leave or forsake. So protect Abba from the sight of evil men, hide me from the wickedness in their hearts. Holy Spirit comfort me and send my angels to be a shield around me right now"

I felt peace. 

As soon as I step up my stairs I could hear the stirrings of my mother as she yank the doors open, demanding to know who was following and if everything was all right. Now my Mama has always been a fighter and I'm pretty sure if anyone was behind me she would have tackled them down. I rarely doubt that this woman would protect me with her life if she was face with that decision.

Power of Words 

My grandmother once told me "that some people just don't know how to show their concern,fear (emotions) properly, rather than get upset at everything they say, seek to find the spirit behind the words"  

This little piece off wisdom has helped me guard my heart from many hurtful things that could have easily taken root in my heart. It has allowed me to learn the art of forgiveness quickly. With that being said, my mother is that person, whose words don't always convey the message that I know she truly wants to express in her heart. That has caused a lot of friction between us which I am holding fast to prayer about, believing God to do something awesome as I trust Him more and more...but tonight she said something that I just thought was extremely insensitive and stupid and a perfect display of how the world thinks. 

She said, "It was God who was protecting you BUT as a young lady you need to be careful what you wear because if you weren't wearing something revealing he would have never approached you that way"............

All though it drives me up the wall that I have to insert this disclaimer I would like to add I was wearing a (romper with a blue calf-length skirt over it *per direction of Holy Spirit* with a cardigan)

All though I understood from practice that she didn't know how to properly express concern what I heard was..

It's your fault

It's your responsibility

You're to blame for what happen

Men can't help themselves and as woman you should no better

That 3 letter word shifted responsibility, that 3 letter word created even for a moment this idea that I deserve to be mistreated instead of treated like a lady, that 3 letter word said to a man who had perversion and wickedness in his heart toward a woman that he was not too blame, that 3 letter word reminded me that I live in fallen world because the word that made me feel and think these things came from own my mother. 

Do I blame her??.....No, she was taught this herself by someone else. Did I learn something about this?.....Yes, I learn that there is a secret, hidden part of me that I have yet to allow the Holy Spirit to heal. I realize this experience has flash a light on a can of worms, ugliness, pain that I am not ready to explore yet and that's ok. But it's made me even more aware that my God is REAL, PRESENT, and ACTIVE. That He is there as my hidden place, my fortress, my strong refuge, my comforter late at night. So my reflection before I call it a night is filled with anguish for my sisters and hope that this reach someone that was hurting. You are not alone.

To those who have been raped/molested/terrorized: I am so so so sorry that you have endured any of it. It breaks my heart that you a survivor of such evilness. I want you to know that you are NOT to blame, you did not deserve that pain and God wept when it happen. He wept that something was stolen from you (innocence, joy, dignity, security, peace of mind, self-esteem) by force. But as you read this I want you to know there is no comforter like the Holy Spirit, and vengeance is The Lord. He LOVES you so and has the power to give you back all the things that were taken from you in abundance. You are valuable, beautiful, wonderfully and fearfully made, a masterpiece, a princess of The King, filled with purpose. I want you to know for yourself the comfort that I am getting tonight as your own. It's not easy but trust me when I say God will never leave you on this journey.

Beloved Rise  

"How to Go Deeper"

The Color Method "Adapted from Pastor Manny Arango"

              "There would be no sense in saying you trusted Jesus if you would not take his advice"                  -C.S Lewis

During a recent quiet time God firmly spoke to me about something we as a whole put off everyday while claiming to love Jesus with our all, Reading His Word. We all have reasons or excuses to why we don't get into our word, some of them valid but all of them roadblocks to tapping into the BEST source of energy, strength, joy, peace, love, wisdom, and direction. You will make time for what you consider to be important. That's just truth.

For me as silly as it sounds I didn't think there was a difference between reading devotionals and truly studying the word of God for myself. I honestly thought what I was doing was enough. Another reason I stayed away from God's word was it genuinely intimidated me. I didn't know where to start, my fist Bible, being KJV, met that I had no clue what it was saying, and being the perfectionist that I am I figured if I can't do it right and master concepts and points that take a lifetime to learn and study then, I won't do it at all. That made a WHOLE lot of sense. Not.

Now if I am completely honest with you guys and myself for that matter I can say that one of the main reasons why I avoided reading the Bible is so I could "pretend/feign" ignorance in order to continue in whatever sin was most comfortable for me at that time. It's kinda of hard to truly "enjoy" a sin when you have Bible verses popping into your head....(yes, that has happen to me). Eventually I discovered how carnal I really was, how harden my heart truly is towards God and how without God softening it every day through/with his word, I am a HOT MESS. Many Christians are destroyed through lack of knowledge or fall prey to the glitter of this world because of ignorance, I didn't want to be one of them. I refuse to fight the same battles or go around the same mountain because I was too stubborn to change strategy. I wanted to see the impossible happen in my life.

Can I be honest?? The Holy Spirit has this annoying consistent habit of using the word of God to do a number on your heart and mind. As one of my Pinky Promise sisters says it be snitching on you all the time.  I use to believe that the Bible was a relic, a book filled with catchy saings that were only relevant during the old days. Until I recognize that those words are HOLY, and RELEVANT to my life today, in the 20th century, I was incapable of approaching it with reverence which in turns leads to true knowledge and understanding.

So I prayed an honest prayer, 

'Abba I don't desire you and I have absolutely no desire to read your word but I don't want to stay in this place. Help me to want you more and more each day. Help me to seek you above anything in this world. Daddy wreck my hardened and rebellious heart. Holy Spirit, teach me, reveal things to me in a way that I can understand' 

Within a short period of time, Heather Lindsey, a powerful woman of God whose blog I had been following for awhile posted on January 22, 2012, 17 days after I decided to really give my life to Him completely and totally, posted this blog How to Spend Time with God (check it out!) and it simply and radically change my perspective on spending time with God. 

I truly believe that if someone has explained something better than you, instead of plagiarizing and doing a mediocre job at it, give credit where it's due, save the link, and pass it on...which is what I am doing for you...you're welcome =)

Now I had an idea of what spending time with God looked like, and why I got right on amazon and bought for myself the Life Application Study Bible; English Standard Version. All  the while God just started to give me a hunger for his word which led me to take part in a young adults Bible study group, hosted by Pastor Manny Arango who simply blew my mind with his certainty in God's word, and his practicality and completely nerdy approach to studying it. So today I pass on the tips and resources that I have acquired on this brief beginning, praying that it propels you deeper into the most beautiful love story, yours with the most Heavenly Being that has been thinking of you since the beginning of time.

The Color Method

There are many ways to study the important thing is finding the method that works best for you and sticking with it. Here is a link sharing different ways to study the Bible on Whole Magazine 5 Ways to Study Your Bible; Below is step by step of how I study

1. Worship: Creating an atmosphere where you intentionally invite the Holy Spirit is vital! Worship allows you to shift your focus and attention off of you, your problems, and situations back to GOD. Some of my favorite artist Israel Houghton, Centric Worship, Kim Walker Smith.

2. Prayer: Repent of any worldly thoughts, philosophies, and false knowledge of God. Empty yourself, and seek the Holy Spirit as a teacher and guide through His Word. Ask for Wisdom.

3. Choose a Book: Stop reading chapters and verses!! One of the main reasons why we use verses out of context is because we approach studying so wrong. Majority of books of the Bible especially in the New Testament were letters (i.e. Corinthians; letter to the church of Corinth). When a church received a letter from a leader of the faith (Paul, Peter etc..), they would gather together and a scribe will read out loud the whole letter. Train yourself to read books in the Bible in one/two seating. When you first start, begin with the smaller books of the Bible to train your mind. Don't be afraid to research the book (author, location, time period).

4. Read/Hear/Live: The best thing you can do is create the habit of making the word come alive. So make it fun! Listen it read to you aloud, animate it, picture it! For me I use a free website/app (Bible.is) Check it out!

5. Color: Use this color code system to pay attention to details 

• Yellow: Message/ Main Verse, main points pointed out by the Holy Spirit. (Disclaimer: Your whole Bible should not be yellow!!)
• Orange: People
• Green: Places
• Blue: Repeated Words/Phrases
• Purple: "God Speaks" (Powerful occurrence especially in the NT, don't take it lightly)
• Brown: Mention of the Holy Spirit
• Red: Mention of the blood of Jesus/Atonement  

6. Reflect: What does this chapter/book reveal about God's Character? What does it say in proper context?

7. Application: Studying the word of God means nothing if it doesn't become evident and alive in your daily living. Put it into action, list 3 ways that you can actively do this in your life. Create goals.

I know this blog is jam packed with a lot of information that can be overwhelming but take it day by day. But I want to invite you to this Color Me Challenge. Below are the parameters which we will start 9/09/14-9/30/14

- Read/Study a book of the Bible for 21 days using the color code system.

- Every Day post/share one message that you received on your social media

- Invite a friend (Tag me on social media @belovedrise7)

So Excited for the amazing things that will happen!

Beloved Rise,

Don't Leave me Here

"Poem by: Joseph Solomon from @chasegodtv"

To say I can completely relate to this poem would be an understatement. To act as if doubt hasn't been that unwanted friend that I willingly entertained for so long would be a lie. At one point in my life it was my constant companion, weighing in on every decision I made, creating landscapes from my fear and uncertainty. Daily I have to choose to leave the comforts of doubt to follow the unexplored, certainty of faith in Christ. It's HARD y'all. I am not going to sit here and pretend I have figured out faith and what it means to live by faith through faith without a shadow of a doubt but I want to share and be real about the journey. God is faithful, the most patient, loving and constant force in my life. 

At one point in my life; I would say a good portion of my college career, I was Agnostic.

noun

1. a person who believes that nothing is known or can be known of the existence or nature of God or of anything beyond material phenomena; a person who claims neither faith nor disbelief in God.

synonyms: skeptic, doubter, cynic

I didn't flat out disbelieve God existed, I just doubted his sovereignty. I doubted if he was ENOUGH. I loved and still to this day enjoy studying religions, I also enjoy philosophy, sociology, the wrestling of the mind that it took when it came to studying ethics. Every religion had a semblance of truth and point blank I wasn't ready to pledge complete allegiance to the one true God, because 

1. I really didn't know what that looked like

2. God didn't make sense to my human intellect (that sounds really duhhh...but for me I had to get over a sense of pride, and myself in general)

3. I was afraid of what it meant to truly LIVE this thing out (i.e, what I had to give up, people's opinion, backlash from society)  

God didn't make sense to me. Living by faith wasn't tangible to me. I needed proof. I was sold out on the philosophy that everything I needed to get through this life existed from within, you've probably heard statement like "Look within, you have everything you need to succeed, search for  your dharma etc..." We think all of this is a new age philosophy but I now believe that it is the oldest. Isn't it interesting how in our world it's silly to think of a car sustaining itself without gas, or a tree without the sun/water, or even an animal without a food/energy source YET we believe that human beings is capable of sustaining itself through life while using everything else on Earth (outside themselves) in order to form a life.

All of creation proclaims of the existence of a CREATOR, but the most complex, unique, unexplainable creation of them all, us, constantly and consistently deny the ultimate goodness, existence, and sovereignty of Him. That was the mistake/belief that cause man to fall. That was the opening scene to doubt.

                                                                So what is doubt?? 

Doubt is defined by Webster as:

verb 

1. To lack confidence in; distrust; to be uncertain

2. Uncertainty of belief or opinion that often interferes with decision-making; uncertainty, hesitation, to waver, lack of conviction

Archaic: to suspect, fear  

Etymology which is the study of the origin of words and the way in which their meaning have changed throughout history reveals that doubt originate from the Latin word "dubitare'  meaning to question, to waver in opinion, (related to dubius) which originally meant "to have to choose between two things"

Opening Scene of Doubt: The Fall of Man 

Gen 2: 15-17 God's Command

Gen 3: 1-7 satan Interpretation

  

From these few passage two main things stood out to me that genuinely blew my mind.

1. What God said: "You may surely eat of every tree of the garden but...."

      - When God speaks it is affirming, positive (may surely), there is a sense/feeling of abundance that is                balance with instruction and warning of consequences.

2. What the enemy says to deceive: "Did God actually say, you shall not eat of any tree in the garden?..."

      - Creates a feeling of lack/deprivation, as if you are missing out on something.

      - A subtle twist of truth (every vs. any)

In a moment fear entered Eve heart, in a second doubt invaded the walls of her mind. Eve wavered; she questioned the goodness, power, omniscience of God. She entertained the idea that apart from Him, she could sustain herself. 

She lost focus and faith on the Goodness of God which led her to fall prey to the lies of the enemy.

Message in the Mess 

1. The enemy will always work  on our insecurities really trying to exacerbate or make them more important than they really are, instilling fear or a feeling of lack.

     - There is NOTHING better outside the will of God  1 Cor 2:9

2. Doubt begins with a little that makes us question God's sovereignty, goodness, and authority/will in regards to our life.

   - Learn to identify those little lies/negative thoughts and confront them with the truth of God. 2 Cor 10: 4-5 

3. Don't make a decision off of fear (High Emotions)

4. Don't focus on your lacks, focus on the affirmation/instruction of God.

      - God is not a dictator, and he's not trying to keep you from more. He is protecting you from destruction,          usually self-inflicted.

You will never be left in the valley of doubt, but eventually you have to look up to the Light. I know this is one of my heavier blogs, but it is my heartfelt prayer to reach to that one person who was like me, not sold on loving Christ for real for whatever reason but feeling the tug to explore a little deeper. Explore for yourself Beloved he will encounter you and that moment will forever change you.

Beloved Rise,

(Pics of my most recent leap of faith)