Alive While Black; Lord Why did you Make me Black??

I didn't realize I was black until I came to America. I didn't realize it was a problem until the darkness of my skin made me suspicious to those who swore to protect me. I didn't realize how ingrained living with this had become until all the recent cases regarding the police killing black men/children and getting off without even a slap on the wrist hit me like a ton of bricks. Am I shocked by the lack of justice?? Am I shock by the response, anger of the people??

No I am not.

We live in a fallen, dead world. We live in a time where we chastise those who are faithful, bully those who are innocent and justify those who are corrupt. A time where the normal state of mind is "It's not my business, I don't need to get involved" or "It's not wrong as long as you don't get caught". Fear, and ignorance are ruling the hearts of man and the underlying prejudice and hate that people were harboring for so long on the down low is now pushing out of the cracks of a frail broken system. This was inevitable.

For awhile I was so tired of being black. I was so tired of being followed through stores because my skin color seem to scream "THIEF". I was tired of being followed by cops on the road because I appeared to be in the wrong place, neighborhood. You know what I was tired of the most being the token "black friend, student, example of a black girl that made it, or better yet spokesperson for the black race in any discussion where I am surrounded by white individuals...I could share stories of my #AliveWhileBlack moments where the pure ignorance and hatred literally shook me to my very core and made me wonder, "I must have doe something to deserve this..it can't just be because I am BLACK".....(maybe in another blog, I just don't know where to start)....today I want to share a poem that literally brought me to tears the firs time I read it. A poem that spoke to the hurting, tired part of me.

Lord Why did you Make me Black??

By: RuNette Nia Ebo

Lord, Lord,
Why did You make me Black?
Why did You make me someone
The world wants to hold back?

Black is the color of dirty clothes;
The color of grimy hands and feet.
Black is the color of darkness;
The color of tire-beaten streets.

Why did you give me thick lips,
A broad nose and kinky hair?
Why did You make me someone
Who receives the hatred stare?

Black is the color of a bruised eye
When somebody gets hurt.
Black is the color of darkness.
Black is the color of dirt.

How come my bone structure’s so thick;
my hips and cheeks are high?
How come my eyes are brown
and not the color of the daylight sky?

Why do people think I’m useless?
How come I feel so used?
Why do some people see my skin and think I should be abused?

Lord, I just don’t understand;
What is it about my skin?
Why do some people want to hate me
And not know the person within?

Black is what people are “listed”,
When others want to keep them away.
Black is the color of shadows cast.
Black is the end of the day.

Lord, You know, my own people mistreat me;
And I know this just isn't right.
They don’t like my hair or the way I look
They say I’m too dark or too light.

Lord, Don’t You think it’s time
For You to make a change?
Why don’t You re-do creation
And make everyone the same?

(God answers)

Why did I make you black?
Why did I make you black?

Get off your knees and look around.
Tell Me, what do you see?
I didn’t make you in the image of darkness.
I made you in the Likeness of ME!

I made you the color of coal
From which beautiful diamonds are formed.
I made you the color of oil,
The black-gold that keeps people warm.

I made you from the rich, dark earth
That can grow the food you need.
Your color’s the same as the panther’s
Known for (HER) beauty and speed.

Your color’s the same as the Black stallion,
A majestic animal is he.
I didn’t make you in the Image of darkness
I made you in the Likeness of Me!

All the colors of a Heavenly Rainbow
Can be found throughout every nation;
And when all those colors were blended well,
YOU BECAME MY GREATEST CREATION.

Your hair is the texture of lamb’s wool
Such a humble, little creature is he.
I am the Shepherd who watches them.
I am the One who will watch over thee.

You are the color of midnight-sky,
I put the stars’ glitter in your eyes.
There’s a smile hidden behind your pain
That’s the reason your cheeks are high.

You are the color of dark clouds formed
when I send My strongest weather.
I made your lips full so when you kiss
the one you love they will remember.

Your stature is strong; your bone structure, thick
to withstand the burdens of time.
The reflection you see in the mirror…
The Image looking back at you is MINE!

REFLECTION

There are things I will never understand living in this society....I will never understand the ability of mankind to dehumanized each other, to teach/act upon hate...I will never understand why fear coupled with ignorance and prejudice will be enough reason to take a life...I will never understand why some lies are more precious than others..I will never understand why we still haven't learn from history....

I just don't get it

I believe that there will always be injustice in any community I choose to live in. I also believe that the injustice won't always be targeted at me. Life just isn't fair and its easier to blame the world for everything that we see and experience. It's not that hard to look outside and see the flaws of the government system, media, workforce (the past few weeks it's all been screaming pretty loudly at us)... but it's even harder to realize that the flaw that we seek on the outside actually begins IN me and in you and to inspire change we need to BE the change. 

One of the main reasons why I love this poem is because it shows the power of perspective. This poem never list excuses to why people are born a certain way, it never tries to dismiss the attributes/features that make us stand out; instead it focuses on the strengths and power in how we choose to see yourselves.

"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect"

I realize that I might always be seen by some as black/nigger/victim by some unfortunate people but it only matters if I continue to see myself that way, act, speak, and dream tat way. You see Beloved it doesn't matter what people call you it's matters what you answer to.

Being black is no longer a burden for me because my mind has been renewed. It is now a privilege that was given to me because I now have unique experiences that will cause me to impact the world. You and I are purposed for great things!! There are things that in the hands of God can inspire so much change. Last night I watch an interview of the family of DJ Henry, the son of a member of my church here in Boston that is a perfect example of what the enemy met for evil, God has used for our good.

Danroy "DJ" Henry was a 20 yr. old young man from Easton, MA, a junior at Pace University in New York who was fatally shot and killed by NY police officers Oct. 17, 2010. DJ waiting to pick up his friends from a bar brawl was parked in a fire lane with his best friend in the car in the passenger seat. A cop told them to move the car. They did. Less than a few minutes later, they drove a few feet when officer Aaron Hess suddenly and inexplicably jumps on the hood of the car and starts firing through the windshield. DJ was shot through the heart and lungs, Henry was pulled from the car by police and died to long afterwards on the street unattended. The officer stated that he open fire because he believed that DJ was attempting to run him over. It's now 2014. Justice has yet to be served and the account by Aaron Hess about that night has changed.

If it was my baby brother who is currently the same age that DJ was when he was murdered I would find it nearly impossible to forgive. It would even be harder for me to see a cop and not have the idea in my head that this cop could be corrupt and see me/friend/loved one as a threat that needs to be taken out, but this Kingdom family in this interview responded with so much grace, maturity, wisdom, and class. His father surrounded by young men his son's age dealing with whatever emotions and memories that the recent news has caused to surface for him and his family charges them to be great anyway, to seek excellence, to live a life that is worth remembering because if death was to come the life lived well will be honored.

So echoing Danroy Henry Sr. I invite y'all to seek excellence with me daily, to be great anyways, to live nobly and honorably in spite of it all because it doesn't matter what you are called it matters what you answer to. 

Beloved Rise,

"Help I've Fallen and Can't Get Up"

Pregnancy. A powerful time where the intimacy, energy of two people meet and spark life. In one moment planned or not, life begins, an essence begins its journey to being a complete independent being. Cells gather and unite and become tissues, tissues into organs, organs into a system, slowly, consistently pieces stitch together to create a being not like any other in this world. A unique masterpiece, woven together by the Creator. Isn't it amazing?? Simply awe-aspiring to think of how we all came to be from something as small as a peanut. For me pregnancy is one of the most beautiful testimonies of God's power and love for us. Not one of us is the same genetically, we are all made different and special. What love!!

Birth. I would say that it's our first, real traumatic experience in life and our first deep covenant. I think that it's a gift from God that we don't remember that journey, but those moments I believe from labor to delivery are prophetic. When a woman's body is prepared to bring forth life, typically her water breaks. She recognizes the beginning stages when pain starts and all waters break loose (pun intended---=D). As many books as she may have read, nothing can really prepare her for this, nothing can prepare you for that moment when your life changes. Pain---consistent, increasing, piercing, yet purposeful occurs because from it a beautiful being is going to come to be so you endure, and push through (Literally....)

Then after one exhaustive push, there is a release, a quiet stillness, and then..... a cry. In that moment, through blood, a covenant is made. If you have had the blessing of being born to a loving mother/parents, Praise God!! You formed a covenant with someone who has made it their life mission to protect, care, nurture, and love you. No matter the argument, problem, situation remember that. If you are adopted that covenant still stands but that day you were not only borne from a woman's body but a mother's prayer. That is a gift. If you lost your mother, I am so so sorry for your loss, but I want to let you know that you were never left alone. God had charge angels to be with you every step of the way, but most importantly HE never left or forsake you. Through it all He was always there.

Let's fast forward a couple of months. This baby who was once an essence, formed by God in its mother's womb is active, curious, confident in its parent's love, and daring in their exploration of the world. After experimenting with rolling over, bouncing in place, crawling at the speed of light, he feels the urge to stand. Slowly, tentatively he reaches for support and grabs hold of one of the steadiest thing that he can place his hands on and pulls himself up. After a couple try of this standing up adventure, he gets bold enough to let go and very quickly plops back down on the surface. As weeks and months go by so does the length of unassisted stands.

One day there comes the courage and desire to take a couple of steps. After the tentative first one, to the absolute glee of your doting parents, there is a second and third and maybe even a fourth and then all of a sudden you lose your balance and fall HARD. That fall was a surprise and it hurt. You cry and scream, begging to be comforted by a loving hand. You reach out to someone and quickly you are brought close and comforted and reassured that everything will be all right.

After being comforted you remember the feeling of standing on your own. All though it hurt the first couple of times, you keep getting up and trying again, and again, and again, until FINALLY!!! you have a consistent walk.

This is for me a beautiful illustration of our Christian walk with our Heavenly Father.

From the beginning God knew YOU. The Bible says in Psalm 139:13-16 "For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them." Isn't that beautiful and so moving to know that before you took your first breath of life on this Earth, before your mother or father knew of your very existence, GOD LOVED YOU. Not only that he was planning a life for you, a beautiful one and you had to do nothing to earn it. You've probably heard of the verse, Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for good and not evil, to give you a future and a hope".

v  So no matter what season you are in, single, waiting for a specific prayer consider that you are being prepared, molded, knitted together. Be encouraged, allow God to not only wreck your heart but mend it as well. Be still let God BE God. Surrender.

 When you came to the Kingdom, all of Heaven rejoiced. Angels danced and sang. Our Heavenly Father smiled and said welcome home. For me that moment was almost two years ago!! I thought FINALLY!! I have arrived, my eyes are now open then.........reality hit and I realized that figuratively my water was finally broken, the hard work, struggle, crying, screaming, and pushing aspect had began. The Bible says in Romans 5: 2-4 "Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us" I don't know where I got the illusion that walking with God was going to be easy because in all honesty it's not. It hurts to die to your flesh daily, your pride has to be swallowed plenty of times, your will surrendered, your trust, patience, strength tested, and your fears overcome. Not only that, if I can just be real it's lonely standing apart from a culture that glorifies everything that God HATES, i.e murder, sexual immorality, gossiping, idolatry, hypocrisy and on and on it goes. Yet walking this journey is so worthwhile, the yolk is easy to bear because he first carried it.

v  If you have an illusion that this walk should be easy...please drop that like it's a handful of ravenous snakes. This walk should challenge you. A large part of this walk is the fact that God will test you, strip you, in order to mold you. He wants you to produce fruits. So don't run from being tested, embrace it, seek God's face about everything, spend quality time with him, and when the tests, pain, suffering come recognize it for what it is. A test and then PASS. You won't know the material, if you don't spend time studying the word or listening to the teacher.

As a parent you expect your child to hit certain milestones after they are born. If they don't you worry and quickly seek out the expertise of a specialist. It's the SAME THING with God, only difference is he is the expert =D. There is an expectation that as you walk with God there is a maturity that happens, growth that happens. The word says in 1 Corinthians 13:11 "When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways." Honestly there is a point where we need to grow up in our walk with God, we shouldn't be in the same place, dealing with the same temptation months after months. In order to do so our mind has to be transformed.

v  Guarding those gates is now your mission. You can't really grow and mature in your faith and in your walk if you are letting anyone and anything plant seeds in your heart. Study the Word of God, when you come to the Father our minds, history, past is not all of sudden wiped away. Our guilt from it does, but our mind has to undergo changes. So refrain from watching, reading, or listening to anything that isn't pleasing to God or beneficial for your growth (i.e. shows, music, sex/romance novels), especially during the beginning stages. Just like a child/toddler what you see, hear, and watch is what you'll repeat and live.

Finally as we begin to explore who we are in God and start doing visible things that label us as "good Christians" we can have moments of pride. Let me just remind you and myself quickly that without Jesus we are nothing and could do nothing of merit. It sounds a bit harsh but it's the truth, Titus 3:5 "He saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to his own mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit" for in truth "all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God," Romans 3:23. No one can boast of their own righteousness because it, salvation, grace, and mercy are all gifts from God.

v  So humble yourselves before you wreck yourself. Never get into the mindset that you are living this thing out of your own strength or ability.

If you have fallen, please reach out to God. Let him comfort you, clean you off. Repent as for forgiveness, turn towards him instead of hiding. Because just like a parent of a fallen child, God does not love you any less because you fell. He is right there waiting for you. Don't hide and continue to backslide. Seek his face, accountability, positive fellowship, and when God has moved and spoken take another step.

Love y'all,

Heather Lindsey- Pregnant with Purpose

"Heather Lindsey is the founder of an awesome organization/movement that I am proud to be a part of known as Pinky Promise. Check it out!!

Pinky Promise & Heatherlindsey.blogspot.com