Road Less Traveled

I was traveling on this road filled with haze...you know that haze that happens when the sun's heat beats on the Earth soo much that it releases tears that turn into that dreamy steam. Well on this road I saw a couple of travelers different height, size, shape, color, age, male, and female, and some I couldn't really tell...all going different directions, all clothe in varying degree of shabbiness and filth, all on the same road. Oddly enough these travelers different in every way contained the same look on their faces. This puzzled me so much that I stopped. I shuddered and wondered did I have that same look? It was a look of pure torment. They all seem lost in a silent battle, eyes lost in a horror that only they could see. Aimlessly they moved but as I looked deeper I realized that something was pulling them deeper into the haze. I saw a weariness, a weariness that was slowly seeping the vibrancy of life from them.

I felt that weariness....I knew that weariness....I felt the tug drawing me deeper into that haze...I guess I did look like them. 

     Gosh I wanted something else....

At the corner of my eye I catch sight of a bright color red. I look up and see a young woman, she has a radiant smile, a joy and peace about her that seem to be contagious. She is heading the other way, pointing to a road less traveled. She attempts to capture the attention of any traveler she comes into contact with convincing them to walk with her...I stared, slowly our eyes connect. She joyously runs towards me and takes me by the hand. That touch felt warm, I didn't realize how cold I was.

She begins to tell me about The Man who will meet me at the beginning of my journey. He would change my life, give me a new hope and purpose. She told me how much he loved me, how much he has been pursuing me. She told that if I accept to walk with Him he promises to never leave or forsake me, promise me a joy that can't be taken. I listened and something entered my heart, hope. I wanted to meet Him.

So I followed her.

The closer we came to this road, the more I wanted to know about Him. The more I wanted to know about this King who came as man to save me from bondage, from a death that I rightly deserve, to pay the price I could never pay. What would I say? What should I do when I meet Him?

Suddenly I was bombarded by thoughts

"Why would he want to see me?"

"He's too good to be true, can he really give me all these things"

"I am not worthy"

"I am a hot mess, he wouldn't want to meet me"

"Maybe I can wait until I am more presentable to meet Him"

Just when I had convinced myself that it would be better to wait to meet him. Just before choosing to completely turn around I look up and I saw Him...in that moment every thought scattered, every fear was cast out, every sadness I've felt paled in comparison to the love I saw in His eyes. That love overwhelmed me so much I was rendered speechless. Silent, steady tears became my words. "You've found me" they said. He lifted his hands for an embrace...for a moment I hesitated.. I looked down at myself filthy, disheveled and I didn't want to make Him dirty, I try to pull at and fix myself quickly and the worst I looked. 

"Come" He said.

His voice drew my focus away from my state to the source of solution.

I don't know when my feet started to move, I don't know when urgency captured my heart turning it to a desperate run but what I knew was He was the answer for that huge void in me. I fell into His embrace and I clung to the source of life. That was the best Fall I've experienced.

"Welcome back my child, I have missed you, oh how I long for this reunion, how I long to hold you and free you from those burdens, I've sent so many to grab your  attention but today you have heard my voice. My Beloved Child"

A dam was released in me and those silent tears became heart wrenching groans. "I am home, my heart sing " there I stayed until slowly my tears abated and my hold loosened enough for me to let out my praise.

I am home.

(Part two to be continued...)

Dear Beloved,

To say this story was my plan would be a lie. It seemed to write itself as it flowed from my spirit. With every word I ministered to my own spirit. Every word brought me back to 3 almost 4 years ago. I remember feeling lost, aimless, weary, burdened, and so deep in darkness. I remember thinking that there must be more but unable to figure out what more was. I remember that moment when I recognize that I was on a road that leading to doom and many were on it with me.

I don't know how many people he sent my way to wake me up, to point me back to Him. I thank God that he kept sending people, that he continued to pursue me and place people and moments in my path that soften my heart to hear Him. I want to thank Heather Lindsey for being my lady in red that finally grabbed my attention to point me back to the road less traveled, back to Jesus. Her joy in Christ created a hunger in me for the same. I wanted it for myself.

This story reminded me of 3 main points.

1. I was once lost. I was once in a place where life had no meaning, no purpose. I was simply going through the motion, a copy of everyone else in the world. I can never be too proud to say that I was once covered in filth, I once was living a life of intentional sin, I was once God enemy but God demonstrates his own love for us in this: while we were still sinners Christ came and died for us (Romans 5:8)

2. Called to be a lady/men in red. Once we have discovered Christ we are each called to share that freedom with others. So many are lost, fighting a losing battle in their own strength all because Gods people are silent about who God is in their life. The joy, peace, love, power that we have in Christ should be so apparent that it draws people to His throne.

3. Choosing the road less traveled and encountering Jesus is part 1. When I was 16 I had my first encounter with Jesus. So much so that I made a decision to be baptized. I had that emotional response, that dam of release but my relationship with Him remained at the encounter. I didn't walk with Him, I didn't grow in Him in fact almost immediately I was blindsided by the world because I didn't grow roots. Beloved we must work out our salvation for whoever is of God hears the words of God. The reason why you do not hear them (His Truth) is that you are not of God. For if you abide in His word, you will truly be His disciples. You will know His voice and you will follow Him.

Beloved Rise,

Alive While Black; Lord Why did you Make me Black??

I didn't realize I was black until I came to America. I didn't realize it was a problem until the darkness of my skin made me suspicious to those who swore to protect me. I didn't realize how ingrained living with this had become until all the recent cases regarding the police killing black men/children and getting off without even a slap on the wrist hit me like a ton of bricks. Am I shocked by the lack of justice?? Am I shock by the response, anger of the people??

No I am not.

We live in a fallen, dead world. We live in a time where we chastise those who are faithful, bully those who are innocent and justify those who are corrupt. A time where the normal state of mind is "It's not my business, I don't need to get involved" or "It's not wrong as long as you don't get caught". Fear, and ignorance are ruling the hearts of man and the underlying prejudice and hate that people were harboring for so long on the down low is now pushing out of the cracks of a frail broken system. This was inevitable.

For awhile I was so tired of being black. I was so tired of being followed through stores because my skin color seem to scream "THIEF". I was tired of being followed by cops on the road because I appeared to be in the wrong place, neighborhood. You know what I was tired of the most being the token "black friend, student, example of a black girl that made it, or better yet spokesperson for the black race in any discussion where I am surrounded by white individuals...I could share stories of my #AliveWhileBlack moments where the pure ignorance and hatred literally shook me to my very core and made me wonder, "I must have doe something to deserve this..it can't just be because I am BLACK".....(maybe in another blog, I just don't know where to start)....today I want to share a poem that literally brought me to tears the firs time I read it. A poem that spoke to the hurting, tired part of me.

Lord Why did you Make me Black??

By: RuNette Nia Ebo

Lord, Lord,
Why did You make me Black?
Why did You make me someone
The world wants to hold back?

Black is the color of dirty clothes;
The color of grimy hands and feet.
Black is the color of darkness;
The color of tire-beaten streets.

Why did you give me thick lips,
A broad nose and kinky hair?
Why did You make me someone
Who receives the hatred stare?

Black is the color of a bruised eye
When somebody gets hurt.
Black is the color of darkness.
Black is the color of dirt.

How come my bone structure’s so thick;
my hips and cheeks are high?
How come my eyes are brown
and not the color of the daylight sky?

Why do people think I’m useless?
How come I feel so used?
Why do some people see my skin and think I should be abused?

Lord, I just don’t understand;
What is it about my skin?
Why do some people want to hate me
And not know the person within?

Black is what people are “listed”,
When others want to keep them away.
Black is the color of shadows cast.
Black is the end of the day.

Lord, You know, my own people mistreat me;
And I know this just isn't right.
They don’t like my hair or the way I look
They say I’m too dark or too light.

Lord, Don’t You think it’s time
For You to make a change?
Why don’t You re-do creation
And make everyone the same?

(God answers)

Why did I make you black?
Why did I make you black?

Get off your knees and look around.
Tell Me, what do you see?
I didn’t make you in the image of darkness.
I made you in the Likeness of ME!

I made you the color of coal
From which beautiful diamonds are formed.
I made you the color of oil,
The black-gold that keeps people warm.

I made you from the rich, dark earth
That can grow the food you need.
Your color’s the same as the panther’s
Known for (HER) beauty and speed.

Your color’s the same as the Black stallion,
A majestic animal is he.
I didn’t make you in the Image of darkness
I made you in the Likeness of Me!

All the colors of a Heavenly Rainbow
Can be found throughout every nation;
And when all those colors were blended well,
YOU BECAME MY GREATEST CREATION.

Your hair is the texture of lamb’s wool
Such a humble, little creature is he.
I am the Shepherd who watches them.
I am the One who will watch over thee.

You are the color of midnight-sky,
I put the stars’ glitter in your eyes.
There’s a smile hidden behind your pain
That’s the reason your cheeks are high.

You are the color of dark clouds formed
when I send My strongest weather.
I made your lips full so when you kiss
the one you love they will remember.

Your stature is strong; your bone structure, thick
to withstand the burdens of time.
The reflection you see in the mirror…
The Image looking back at you is MINE!

REFLECTION

There are things I will never understand living in this society....I will never understand the ability of mankind to dehumanized each other, to teach/act upon hate...I will never understand why fear coupled with ignorance and prejudice will be enough reason to take a life...I will never understand why some lies are more precious than others..I will never understand why we still haven't learn from history....

I just don't get it

I believe that there will always be injustice in any community I choose to live in. I also believe that the injustice won't always be targeted at me. Life just isn't fair and its easier to blame the world for everything that we see and experience. It's not that hard to look outside and see the flaws of the government system, media, workforce (the past few weeks it's all been screaming pretty loudly at us)... but it's even harder to realize that the flaw that we seek on the outside actually begins IN me and in you and to inspire change we need to BE the change. 

One of the main reasons why I love this poem is because it shows the power of perspective. This poem never list excuses to why people are born a certain way, it never tries to dismiss the attributes/features that make us stand out; instead it focuses on the strengths and power in how we choose to see yourselves.

"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect"

I realize that I might always be seen by some as black/nigger/victim by some unfortunate people but it only matters if I continue to see myself that way, act, speak, and dream tat way. You see Beloved it doesn't matter what people call you it's matters what you answer to.

Being black is no longer a burden for me because my mind has been renewed. It is now a privilege that was given to me because I now have unique experiences that will cause me to impact the world. You and I are purposed for great things!! There are things that in the hands of God can inspire so much change. Last night I watch an interview of the family of DJ Henry, the son of a member of my church here in Boston that is a perfect example of what the enemy met for evil, God has used for our good.

Danroy "DJ" Henry was a 20 yr. old young man from Easton, MA, a junior at Pace University in New York who was fatally shot and killed by NY police officers Oct. 17, 2010. DJ waiting to pick up his friends from a bar brawl was parked in a fire lane with his best friend in the car in the passenger seat. A cop told them to move the car. They did. Less than a few minutes later, they drove a few feet when officer Aaron Hess suddenly and inexplicably jumps on the hood of the car and starts firing through the windshield. DJ was shot through the heart and lungs, Henry was pulled from the car by police and died to long afterwards on the street unattended. The officer stated that he open fire because he believed that DJ was attempting to run him over. It's now 2014. Justice has yet to be served and the account by Aaron Hess about that night has changed.

If it was my baby brother who is currently the same age that DJ was when he was murdered I would find it nearly impossible to forgive. It would even be harder for me to see a cop and not have the idea in my head that this cop could be corrupt and see me/friend/loved one as a threat that needs to be taken out, but this Kingdom family in this interview responded with so much grace, maturity, wisdom, and class. His father surrounded by young men his son's age dealing with whatever emotions and memories that the recent news has caused to surface for him and his family charges them to be great anyway, to seek excellence, to live a life that is worth remembering because if death was to come the life lived well will be honored.

So echoing Danroy Henry Sr. I invite y'all to seek excellence with me daily, to be great anyways, to live nobly and honorably in spite of it all because it doesn't matter what you are called it matters what you answer to. 

Beloved Rise,

"This Little Light of Mine"

Do you guys remember this little hymn we used to sing as children? A song full of innocence,  and joy yet filled with promise of living a life that can only be described as pleasing to God... What happen to those children I wonder? Some of you might answer LIFE...life is what happen. No one can truly deny that living in this dark and fallen world we are bound to have our fair share of pain, heartache, trauma, and so much more... and in no way am I saying that what you may have endured didn't hurt or that you don't have the right to have moments where you reflect.....BUT when it comes down to the nitty gritty of it all YOU SURVIVED to let the little light  in you shine!! So many of us are ashamed of that light, if we are truly honest with ourselves we sometimes think that living in DARKNESS is easier. Our flesh would have us believe that the darkness is more fulfilling, that living holy and righteously is tooo hard but that is such a lie. 

If it was the truth we wouldn't have that feeling like something is missing when we are living "happily" in our sin, or have this HUGE void in our hearts that seem to be impossible to fill no matter how many things we buy, relationships we have, alcohol/drug that we consume.

So what then..... What should I do?

If you have heard and accepted the word of God and have fallen away

REPENT. Turn back to God. 

Don't Hide in your guilt, allow God to clean you up and make a decision to

grow to a place where you let your light shine!!

 This little light of mine
I'm going to let it shine
Oh, this little light of mine
I'm going to let it shine

Hallelujah
This little light of mine
I'm going to let it shine
Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine

(CHORUS)

Ev'ry where I go
I'm going to let it shine
Oh, ev'ry where I go
I'm going to let it shine

Out in the dark
I'm going to let it shine
Oh, out in the dark
I'm going to let it shine

For those of still on the fence...hear me out

"Jenny you are always happy", "You must not have any problems, what problems you have to complain about.... "I swear you live in world where all you see is rainbows and shiny things"...... I am told these statements throughout my day basically everyday, Jenny you have no problems that's why you are always happy----ummmm reality check, EVERYONE has problems, problems are not partial to color, height, race or whatever else........and one life lesson I've learned is that often time the ones who smile the brightest have gone through the darkest times. Don't be fooled, or make assumptions from what can only be seen on the surface. The only difference between me and anyone else is that approximately 2 years ago I made a choice.

"My Joy will not be situational, it will be spiritual"

My joy is not dependent on me or the things around me but on the only constant fixture, aspect, component, relationship of my whole life---Jesus Christ.

Getting to a place where I can consistently live this out was not easy and still isn't, GOD only knows how many days I struggle to even get out of bed, let alone do something productive. Some days my bed feels like my only friend, my pillow my only confidant, and sleep my only escape. On those days I remember a truth that resonates in every fiber of my being, I remember that someone died that my light would shine, someone suffered so that I could rise, bled so I could be free to LIVE beyond darkness,  resurrected so that I could stand among the depraved, lost, depressed with confidence and speak of the goodness of knowing that someone who has promise to never leave or forsake me in the midst of it all.

I slowly come to the realization everyday that my light is not for me. A candle does not shine for its own desire but to illuminate the darkness for someone else. When I begin to truly live on fire for Christ I realize how big of an oxymoron it is to live a life of a "Depressed & Scared Christian", especially when we know the author of Joy, love, and peace. So if you are in a place where you are afraid to let your light shine or are in a state of mind where the idea of joy is foreign let me to encourage you and give you some tips that's helped me.

Sunshine Tips

v  Joy is a choice that begins with surrender to the only person that can make you happy no matter the season--Jesus Christ.

- Anything else is a temporary substitute, develop a true relationship with the savior and discover a hidden joy that simply is unexplainable.

v  Guard the gates of your heart, you can't desire joy when you listen to chaos, surround yourself in sadness. (Proverbs 4:23)

- Watch what you listen to consistently (music, news, shows)

- Be attentive to what you read

- Are your friends always negative??

v  Happy food choices = Happy Person

- Food has an influence on how you feel, if you eat crap all the time you will feel awful.

v  Head to Toe Praise

- Recently discovered that when I intentionally find things to be thankful for by the time I reach the 5th or 6th item, I am smiling. So starting from the top of your head just start being thankful for it and move your way down i.e (sound mind, creative thoughts, eyesight, nose to smell beauty/danger, taste buds to taste favorite foods).

v  Treasure Trek

- Discover the treasure that is YOU. Do something that brings you joy? If you think that currently in your life there is nothing start small. There is joy in discovering who you are and recognizing that you  have the power to change.

v  Surround yourself with positive, genuine, happy people and observe their language.

- Life and death lies in the power of the tongue....what you speak becomes your reality.  

v  Baby laughter, funny videos with animals, childhood favorite movies, Disney songs.

- Specific to me these are just a few of my favorite things (hehe, movie reference intentional.....hug if you figured out what movie =D)

You are loved, special, one of a kind, a masterpiece created by the King. There is no one like you in this whole world. He made no mistake when he created, no matter what you've heard, or who's told you otherwise YOU ARE NO MISTAKE. The Creator of the Heaven and Earth rejoiced when you took your first breath on this earth, he smiled when you first laugh as a child, and while you sleep he continues to prepare a marvelous plan for your life, a plan to prosper you not to harm you. He desires an intimate relationship with you, where you can rest in Him because he's promise never to leave you or forsake you, to walk with you through every season of your life, give you love, peace, joy that can't be shaken by any storm in your life.....but you have to CHOOSE. Follow Jesus Christ, I've been on this journey with Him and I wouldn't trade it for anything of this world. Cliche but in all honesty fallen in love with God is the BEST thing I've ever done in my life. Everything of /inthis world will disappear, the only thing that you can TRUST is that God is and will always BE all that he says He is+

Love y'all,

xoxo