Alive While Black; Lord Why did you Make me Black??

I didn't realize I was black until I came to America. I didn't realize it was a problem until the darkness of my skin made me suspicious to those who swore to protect me. I didn't realize how ingrained living with this had become until all the recent cases regarding the police killing black men/children and getting off without even a slap on the wrist hit me like a ton of bricks. Am I shocked by the lack of justice?? Am I shock by the response, anger of the people??

No I am not.

We live in a fallen, dead world. We live in a time where we chastise those who are faithful, bully those who are innocent and justify those who are corrupt. A time where the normal state of mind is "It's not my business, I don't need to get involved" or "It's not wrong as long as you don't get caught". Fear, and ignorance are ruling the hearts of man and the underlying prejudice and hate that people were harboring for so long on the down low is now pushing out of the cracks of a frail broken system. This was inevitable.

For awhile I was so tired of being black. I was so tired of being followed through stores because my skin color seem to scream "THIEF". I was tired of being followed by cops on the road because I appeared to be in the wrong place, neighborhood. You know what I was tired of the most being the token "black friend, student, example of a black girl that made it, or better yet spokesperson for the black race in any discussion where I am surrounded by white individuals...I could share stories of my #AliveWhileBlack moments where the pure ignorance and hatred literally shook me to my very core and made me wonder, "I must have doe something to deserve this..it can't just be because I am BLACK".....(maybe in another blog, I just don't know where to start)....today I want to share a poem that literally brought me to tears the firs time I read it. A poem that spoke to the hurting, tired part of me.

Lord Why did you Make me Black??

By: RuNette Nia Ebo

Lord, Lord,
Why did You make me Black?
Why did You make me someone
The world wants to hold back?

Black is the color of dirty clothes;
The color of grimy hands and feet.
Black is the color of darkness;
The color of tire-beaten streets.

Why did you give me thick lips,
A broad nose and kinky hair?
Why did You make me someone
Who receives the hatred stare?

Black is the color of a bruised eye
When somebody gets hurt.
Black is the color of darkness.
Black is the color of dirt.

How come my bone structure’s so thick;
my hips and cheeks are high?
How come my eyes are brown
and not the color of the daylight sky?

Why do people think I’m useless?
How come I feel so used?
Why do some people see my skin and think I should be abused?

Lord, I just don’t understand;
What is it about my skin?
Why do some people want to hate me
And not know the person within?

Black is what people are “listed”,
When others want to keep them away.
Black is the color of shadows cast.
Black is the end of the day.

Lord, You know, my own people mistreat me;
And I know this just isn't right.
They don’t like my hair or the way I look
They say I’m too dark or too light.

Lord, Don’t You think it’s time
For You to make a change?
Why don’t You re-do creation
And make everyone the same?

(God answers)

Why did I make you black?
Why did I make you black?

Get off your knees and look around.
Tell Me, what do you see?
I didn’t make you in the image of darkness.
I made you in the Likeness of ME!

I made you the color of coal
From which beautiful diamonds are formed.
I made you the color of oil,
The black-gold that keeps people warm.

I made you from the rich, dark earth
That can grow the food you need.
Your color’s the same as the panther’s
Known for (HER) beauty and speed.

Your color’s the same as the Black stallion,
A majestic animal is he.
I didn’t make you in the Image of darkness
I made you in the Likeness of Me!

All the colors of a Heavenly Rainbow
Can be found throughout every nation;
And when all those colors were blended well,
YOU BECAME MY GREATEST CREATION.

Your hair is the texture of lamb’s wool
Such a humble, little creature is he.
I am the Shepherd who watches them.
I am the One who will watch over thee.

You are the color of midnight-sky,
I put the stars’ glitter in your eyes.
There’s a smile hidden behind your pain
That’s the reason your cheeks are high.

You are the color of dark clouds formed
when I send My strongest weather.
I made your lips full so when you kiss
the one you love they will remember.

Your stature is strong; your bone structure, thick
to withstand the burdens of time.
The reflection you see in the mirror…
The Image looking back at you is MINE!

REFLECTION

There are things I will never understand living in this society....I will never understand the ability of mankind to dehumanized each other, to teach/act upon hate...I will never understand why fear coupled with ignorance and prejudice will be enough reason to take a life...I will never understand why some lies are more precious than others..I will never understand why we still haven't learn from history....

I just don't get it

I believe that there will always be injustice in any community I choose to live in. I also believe that the injustice won't always be targeted at me. Life just isn't fair and its easier to blame the world for everything that we see and experience. It's not that hard to look outside and see the flaws of the government system, media, workforce (the past few weeks it's all been screaming pretty loudly at us)... but it's even harder to realize that the flaw that we seek on the outside actually begins IN me and in you and to inspire change we need to BE the change. 

One of the main reasons why I love this poem is because it shows the power of perspective. This poem never list excuses to why people are born a certain way, it never tries to dismiss the attributes/features that make us stand out; instead it focuses on the strengths and power in how we choose to see yourselves.

"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect"

I realize that I might always be seen by some as black/nigger/victim by some unfortunate people but it only matters if I continue to see myself that way, act, speak, and dream tat way. You see Beloved it doesn't matter what people call you it's matters what you answer to.

Being black is no longer a burden for me because my mind has been renewed. It is now a privilege that was given to me because I now have unique experiences that will cause me to impact the world. You and I are purposed for great things!! There are things that in the hands of God can inspire so much change. Last night I watch an interview of the family of DJ Henry, the son of a member of my church here in Boston that is a perfect example of what the enemy met for evil, God has used for our good.

Danroy "DJ" Henry was a 20 yr. old young man from Easton, MA, a junior at Pace University in New York who was fatally shot and killed by NY police officers Oct. 17, 2010. DJ waiting to pick up his friends from a bar brawl was parked in a fire lane with his best friend in the car in the passenger seat. A cop told them to move the car. They did. Less than a few minutes later, they drove a few feet when officer Aaron Hess suddenly and inexplicably jumps on the hood of the car and starts firing through the windshield. DJ was shot through the heart and lungs, Henry was pulled from the car by police and died to long afterwards on the street unattended. The officer stated that he open fire because he believed that DJ was attempting to run him over. It's now 2014. Justice has yet to be served and the account by Aaron Hess about that night has changed.

If it was my baby brother who is currently the same age that DJ was when he was murdered I would find it nearly impossible to forgive. It would even be harder for me to see a cop and not have the idea in my head that this cop could be corrupt and see me/friend/loved one as a threat that needs to be taken out, but this Kingdom family in this interview responded with so much grace, maturity, wisdom, and class. His father surrounded by young men his son's age dealing with whatever emotions and memories that the recent news has caused to surface for him and his family charges them to be great anyway, to seek excellence, to live a life that is worth remembering because if death was to come the life lived well will be honored.

So echoing Danroy Henry Sr. I invite y'all to seek excellence with me daily, to be great anyways, to live nobly and honorably in spite of it all because it doesn't matter what you are called it matters what you answer to. 

Beloved Rise,

Don't Leave me Here

"Poem by: Joseph Solomon from @chasegodtv"

To say I can completely relate to this poem would be an understatement. To act as if doubt hasn't been that unwanted friend that I willingly entertained for so long would be a lie. At one point in my life it was my constant companion, weighing in on every decision I made, creating landscapes from my fear and uncertainty. Daily I have to choose to leave the comforts of doubt to follow the unexplored, certainty of faith in Christ. It's HARD y'all. I am not going to sit here and pretend I have figured out faith and what it means to live by faith through faith without a shadow of a doubt but I want to share and be real about the journey. God is faithful, the most patient, loving and constant force in my life. 

At one point in my life; I would say a good portion of my college career, I was Agnostic.

noun

1. a person who believes that nothing is known or can be known of the existence or nature of God or of anything beyond material phenomena; a person who claims neither faith nor disbelief in God.

synonyms: skeptic, doubter, cynic

I didn't flat out disbelieve God existed, I just doubted his sovereignty. I doubted if he was ENOUGH. I loved and still to this day enjoy studying religions, I also enjoy philosophy, sociology, the wrestling of the mind that it took when it came to studying ethics. Every religion had a semblance of truth and point blank I wasn't ready to pledge complete allegiance to the one true God, because 

1. I really didn't know what that looked like

2. God didn't make sense to my human intellect (that sounds really duhhh...but for me I had to get over a sense of pride, and myself in general)

3. I was afraid of what it meant to truly LIVE this thing out (i.e, what I had to give up, people's opinion, backlash from society)  

God didn't make sense to me. Living by faith wasn't tangible to me. I needed proof. I was sold out on the philosophy that everything I needed to get through this life existed from within, you've probably heard statement like "Look within, you have everything you need to succeed, search for  your dharma etc..." We think all of this is a new age philosophy but I now believe that it is the oldest. Isn't it interesting how in our world it's silly to think of a car sustaining itself without gas, or a tree without the sun/water, or even an animal without a food/energy source YET we believe that human beings is capable of sustaining itself through life while using everything else on Earth (outside themselves) in order to form a life.

All of creation proclaims of the existence of a CREATOR, but the most complex, unique, unexplainable creation of them all, us, constantly and consistently deny the ultimate goodness, existence, and sovereignty of Him. That was the mistake/belief that cause man to fall. That was the opening scene to doubt.

                                                                So what is doubt?? 

Doubt is defined by Webster as:

verb 

1. To lack confidence in; distrust; to be uncertain

2. Uncertainty of belief or opinion that often interferes with decision-making; uncertainty, hesitation, to waver, lack of conviction

Archaic: to suspect, fear  

Etymology which is the study of the origin of words and the way in which their meaning have changed throughout history reveals that doubt originate from the Latin word "dubitare'  meaning to question, to waver in opinion, (related to dubius) which originally meant "to have to choose between two things"

Opening Scene of Doubt: The Fall of Man 

Gen 2: 15-17 God's Command

Gen 3: 1-7 satan Interpretation

  

From these few passage two main things stood out to me that genuinely blew my mind.

1. What God said: "You may surely eat of every tree of the garden but...."

      - When God speaks it is affirming, positive (may surely), there is a sense/feeling of abundance that is                balance with instruction and warning of consequences.

2. What the enemy says to deceive: "Did God actually say, you shall not eat of any tree in the garden?..."

      - Creates a feeling of lack/deprivation, as if you are missing out on something.

      - A subtle twist of truth (every vs. any)

In a moment fear entered Eve heart, in a second doubt invaded the walls of her mind. Eve wavered; she questioned the goodness, power, omniscience of God. She entertained the idea that apart from Him, she could sustain herself. 

She lost focus and faith on the Goodness of God which led her to fall prey to the lies of the enemy.

Message in the Mess 

1. The enemy will always work  on our insecurities really trying to exacerbate or make them more important than they really are, instilling fear or a feeling of lack.

     - There is NOTHING better outside the will of God  1 Cor 2:9

2. Doubt begins with a little that makes us question God's sovereignty, goodness, and authority/will in regards to our life.

   - Learn to identify those little lies/negative thoughts and confront them with the truth of God. 2 Cor 10: 4-5 

3. Don't make a decision off of fear (High Emotions)

4. Don't focus on your lacks, focus on the affirmation/instruction of God.

      - God is not a dictator, and he's not trying to keep you from more. He is protecting you from destruction,          usually self-inflicted.

You will never be left in the valley of doubt, but eventually you have to look up to the Light. I know this is one of my heavier blogs, but it is my heartfelt prayer to reach to that one person who was like me, not sold on loving Christ for real for whatever reason but feeling the tug to explore a little deeper. Explore for yourself Beloved he will encounter you and that moment will forever change you.

Beloved Rise,

(Pics of my most recent leap of faith)