"Poem by: Joseph Solomon from @chasegodtv"
To say I can completely relate to this poem would be an understatement. To act as if doubt hasn't been that unwanted friend that I willingly entertained for so long would be a lie. At one point in my life it was my constant companion, weighing in on every decision I made, creating landscapes from my fear and uncertainty. Daily I have to choose to leave the comforts of doubt to follow the unexplored, certainty of faith in Christ. It's HARD y'all. I am not going to sit here and pretend I have figured out faith and what it means to live by faith through faith without a shadow of a doubt but I want to share and be real about the journey. God is faithful, the most patient, loving and constant force in my life.
At one point in my life; I would say a good portion of my college career, I was Agnostic.
noun
1. a person who believes that nothing is known or can be known of the existence or nature of God or of anything beyond material phenomena; a person who claims neither faith nor disbelief in God.
synonyms: skeptic, doubter, cynic
I didn't flat out disbelieve God existed, I just doubted his sovereignty. I doubted if he was ENOUGH. I loved and still to this day enjoy studying religions, I also enjoy philosophy, sociology, the wrestling of the mind that it took when it came to studying ethics. Every religion had a semblance of truth and point blank I wasn't ready to pledge complete allegiance to the one true God, because
1. I really didn't know what that looked like
2. God didn't make sense to my human intellect (that sounds really duhhh...but for me I had to get over a sense of pride, and myself in general)
3. I was afraid of what it meant to truly LIVE this thing out (i.e, what I had to give up, people's opinion, backlash from society)
God didn't make sense to me. Living by faith wasn't tangible to me. I needed proof. I was sold out on the philosophy that everything I needed to get through this life existed from within, you've probably heard statement like "Look within, you have everything you need to succeed, search for your dharma etc..." We think all of this is a new age philosophy but I now believe that it is the oldest. Isn't it interesting how in our world it's silly to think of a car sustaining itself without gas, or a tree without the sun/water, or even an animal without a food/energy source YET we believe that human beings is capable of sustaining itself through life while using everything else on Earth (outside themselves) in order to form a life.
All of creation proclaims of the existence of a CREATOR, but the most complex, unique, unexplainable creation of them all, us, constantly and consistently deny the ultimate goodness, existence, and sovereignty of Him. That was the mistake/belief that cause man to fall. That was the opening scene to doubt.
So what is doubt??
Doubt is defined by Webster as:
verb
1. To lack confidence in; distrust; to be uncertain
2. Uncertainty of belief or opinion that often interferes with decision-making; uncertainty, hesitation, to waver, lack of conviction
Archaic: to suspect, fear
Etymology which is the study of the origin of words and the way in which their meaning have changed throughout history reveals that doubt originate from the Latin word "dubitare' meaning to question, to waver in opinion, (related to dubius) which originally meant "to have to choose between two things"
Opening Scene of Doubt: The Fall of Man
Gen 2: 15-17 God's Command
Gen 3: 1-7 satan Interpretation
From these few passage two main things stood out to me that genuinely blew my mind.
1. What God said: "You may surely eat of every tree of the garden but...."
- When God speaks it is affirming, positive (may surely), there is a sense/feeling of abundance that is balance with instruction and warning of consequences.
2. What the enemy says to deceive: "Did God actually say, you shall not eat of any tree in the garden?..."
- Creates a feeling of lack/deprivation, as if you are missing out on something.
- A subtle twist of truth (every vs. any)
In a moment fear entered Eve heart, in a second doubt invaded the walls of her mind. Eve wavered; she questioned the goodness, power, omniscience of God. She entertained the idea that apart from Him, she could sustain herself.
She lost focus and faith on the Goodness of God which led her to fall prey to the lies of the enemy.
Message in the Mess
1. The enemy will always work on our insecurities really trying to exacerbate or make them more important than they really are, instilling fear or a feeling of lack.
- There is NOTHING better outside the will of God 1 Cor 2:9
2. Doubt begins with a little that makes us question God's sovereignty, goodness, and authority/will in regards to our life.
- Learn to identify those little lies/negative thoughts and confront them with the truth of God. 2 Cor 10: 4-5
3. Don't make a decision off of fear (High Emotions)
4. Don't focus on your lacks, focus on the affirmation/instruction of God.
- God is not a dictator, and he's not trying to keep you from more. He is protecting you from destruction, usually self-inflicted.
You will never be left in the valley of doubt, but eventually you have to look up to the Light. I know this is one of my heavier blogs, but it is my heartfelt prayer to reach to that one person who was like me, not sold on loving Christ for real for whatever reason but feeling the tug to explore a little deeper. Explore for yourself Beloved he will encounter you and that moment will forever change you.
Beloved Rise,
(Pics of my most recent leap of faith)
