Alive While Black; Lord Why did you Make me Black??

I didn't realize I was black until I came to America. I didn't realize it was a problem until the darkness of my skin made me suspicious to those who swore to protect me. I didn't realize how ingrained living with this had become until all the recent cases regarding the police killing black men/children and getting off without even a slap on the wrist hit me like a ton of bricks. Am I shocked by the lack of justice?? Am I shock by the response, anger of the people??

No I am not.

We live in a fallen, dead world. We live in a time where we chastise those who are faithful, bully those who are innocent and justify those who are corrupt. A time where the normal state of mind is "It's not my business, I don't need to get involved" or "It's not wrong as long as you don't get caught". Fear, and ignorance are ruling the hearts of man and the underlying prejudice and hate that people were harboring for so long on the down low is now pushing out of the cracks of a frail broken system. This was inevitable.

For awhile I was so tired of being black. I was so tired of being followed through stores because my skin color seem to scream "THIEF". I was tired of being followed by cops on the road because I appeared to be in the wrong place, neighborhood. You know what I was tired of the most being the token "black friend, student, example of a black girl that made it, or better yet spokesperson for the black race in any discussion where I am surrounded by white individuals...I could share stories of my #AliveWhileBlack moments where the pure ignorance and hatred literally shook me to my very core and made me wonder, "I must have doe something to deserve this..it can't just be because I am BLACK".....(maybe in another blog, I just don't know where to start)....today I want to share a poem that literally brought me to tears the firs time I read it. A poem that spoke to the hurting, tired part of me.

Lord Why did you Make me Black??

By: RuNette Nia Ebo

Lord, Lord,
Why did You make me Black?
Why did You make me someone
The world wants to hold back?

Black is the color of dirty clothes;
The color of grimy hands and feet.
Black is the color of darkness;
The color of tire-beaten streets.

Why did you give me thick lips,
A broad nose and kinky hair?
Why did You make me someone
Who receives the hatred stare?

Black is the color of a bruised eye
When somebody gets hurt.
Black is the color of darkness.
Black is the color of dirt.

How come my bone structure’s so thick;
my hips and cheeks are high?
How come my eyes are brown
and not the color of the daylight sky?

Why do people think I’m useless?
How come I feel so used?
Why do some people see my skin and think I should be abused?

Lord, I just don’t understand;
What is it about my skin?
Why do some people want to hate me
And not know the person within?

Black is what people are “listed”,
When others want to keep them away.
Black is the color of shadows cast.
Black is the end of the day.

Lord, You know, my own people mistreat me;
And I know this just isn't right.
They don’t like my hair or the way I look
They say I’m too dark or too light.

Lord, Don’t You think it’s time
For You to make a change?
Why don’t You re-do creation
And make everyone the same?

(God answers)

Why did I make you black?
Why did I make you black?

Get off your knees and look around.
Tell Me, what do you see?
I didn’t make you in the image of darkness.
I made you in the Likeness of ME!

I made you the color of coal
From which beautiful diamonds are formed.
I made you the color of oil,
The black-gold that keeps people warm.

I made you from the rich, dark earth
That can grow the food you need.
Your color’s the same as the panther’s
Known for (HER) beauty and speed.

Your color’s the same as the Black stallion,
A majestic animal is he.
I didn’t make you in the Image of darkness
I made you in the Likeness of Me!

All the colors of a Heavenly Rainbow
Can be found throughout every nation;
And when all those colors were blended well,
YOU BECAME MY GREATEST CREATION.

Your hair is the texture of lamb’s wool
Such a humble, little creature is he.
I am the Shepherd who watches them.
I am the One who will watch over thee.

You are the color of midnight-sky,
I put the stars’ glitter in your eyes.
There’s a smile hidden behind your pain
That’s the reason your cheeks are high.

You are the color of dark clouds formed
when I send My strongest weather.
I made your lips full so when you kiss
the one you love they will remember.

Your stature is strong; your bone structure, thick
to withstand the burdens of time.
The reflection you see in the mirror…
The Image looking back at you is MINE!

REFLECTION

There are things I will never understand living in this society....I will never understand the ability of mankind to dehumanized each other, to teach/act upon hate...I will never understand why fear coupled with ignorance and prejudice will be enough reason to take a life...I will never understand why some lies are more precious than others..I will never understand why we still haven't learn from history....

I just don't get it

I believe that there will always be injustice in any community I choose to live in. I also believe that the injustice won't always be targeted at me. Life just isn't fair and its easier to blame the world for everything that we see and experience. It's not that hard to look outside and see the flaws of the government system, media, workforce (the past few weeks it's all been screaming pretty loudly at us)... but it's even harder to realize that the flaw that we seek on the outside actually begins IN me and in you and to inspire change we need to BE the change. 

One of the main reasons why I love this poem is because it shows the power of perspective. This poem never list excuses to why people are born a certain way, it never tries to dismiss the attributes/features that make us stand out; instead it focuses on the strengths and power in how we choose to see yourselves.

"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect"

I realize that I might always be seen by some as black/nigger/victim by some unfortunate people but it only matters if I continue to see myself that way, act, speak, and dream tat way. You see Beloved it doesn't matter what people call you it's matters what you answer to.

Being black is no longer a burden for me because my mind has been renewed. It is now a privilege that was given to me because I now have unique experiences that will cause me to impact the world. You and I are purposed for great things!! There are things that in the hands of God can inspire so much change. Last night I watch an interview of the family of DJ Henry, the son of a member of my church here in Boston that is a perfect example of what the enemy met for evil, God has used for our good.

Danroy "DJ" Henry was a 20 yr. old young man from Easton, MA, a junior at Pace University in New York who was fatally shot and killed by NY police officers Oct. 17, 2010. DJ waiting to pick up his friends from a bar brawl was parked in a fire lane with his best friend in the car in the passenger seat. A cop told them to move the car. They did. Less than a few minutes later, they drove a few feet when officer Aaron Hess suddenly and inexplicably jumps on the hood of the car and starts firing through the windshield. DJ was shot through the heart and lungs, Henry was pulled from the car by police and died to long afterwards on the street unattended. The officer stated that he open fire because he believed that DJ was attempting to run him over. It's now 2014. Justice has yet to be served and the account by Aaron Hess about that night has changed.

If it was my baby brother who is currently the same age that DJ was when he was murdered I would find it nearly impossible to forgive. It would even be harder for me to see a cop and not have the idea in my head that this cop could be corrupt and see me/friend/loved one as a threat that needs to be taken out, but this Kingdom family in this interview responded with so much grace, maturity, wisdom, and class. His father surrounded by young men his son's age dealing with whatever emotions and memories that the recent news has caused to surface for him and his family charges them to be great anyway, to seek excellence, to live a life that is worth remembering because if death was to come the life lived well will be honored.

So echoing Danroy Henry Sr. I invite y'all to seek excellence with me daily, to be great anyways, to live nobly and honorably in spite of it all because it doesn't matter what you are called it matters what you answer to. 

Beloved Rise,

Live Like No One Else: Debt Free Journey

In 2014 I declared Armageddon on debt. I felt like screaming from the top of my lungs how much I HATED it. While reflecting on every dream that I had, dreams of travelling, building organizations, and just being an overall giver and explorer, I became so upset thinking of all the debt I was responsible for. I became upset mostly because I was tired of being asked the theoretical question, "If money was not an issue, what would you be doing right now?" And have it remain just that a theory. I don't believe that money should be a limited, I believe that it should eventually work for me. For the things I want to do in Christ and for Him I believe that through sacrifice, discipline, planning, self-control and money management on my part he can and will bless me. Becoming a good stewardess became a goal for me. I'm not going to make this a huge faith/theology thing but it never made sense to me that Christians proclaiming to know God in all his glory didn't see the issue in struggling, living beyond their means/paycheck by paycheck when they had daily access to sensible advice from the Bible. So I said no more!!

As of  10/15/14 I am proud and bless to say that I am credit card debt free and have saved $1,000+ in my saving. I am on journey to be debt free by the age of 25 or the year of 2016. I am currently 23. This blog is possibly the first of many sharing details about my debt free journey. I hope that this encourages, challenges someone and if there is any questions that I could possibly answer please post below. 

Getting Started

1. I guess the first part in getting started is deciding to START. It sounds so cliche but it didn't start becoming real to me until I made up my mind to get serious about it. For me that met I had to write it down. Make it a goal or series of goal and make it visible to me from the moment I wake up to the moment I close my eyes.

2. I had to figure out where I stand. How much money did I make a month? What was I spending money on? What did I spend my most on? How much debt did I have? Who did I owe? When did I have to start paying? What was credit? What was my score? My Trends? My Habits?

So for me this step help me figure out how serious I was about the process because I had to put actions to my words. In this step you have to gather all of your financial information (Bank accounts, loan accounts, car payment, investments, house payments, credit card account) everything. I literally stalk everything, I called my banks for my passwords, the dreaded loan people for loan information. When I gathered majority of this information the site and resource that help me figure things out was Mint.com

Mint is a free personal finance tool. It literally gathers all of your financial information into one safe place. Within it you can set up goals, create a budget, create a reminders, and so much more. My favorite part of this site is what occurs after you take the time and link all your accounts. In the transaction tab you can place every transaction into a category, everything eventually falls into a category and from that point on it auto-categorize every thing you spend. The absolutely cool think about this (...yes I think it's cool and it make my geeky finance heart beat fast) is that when everything is in a category you can see your trends. It will show you in a bar graph/pie chart where you spend your money over time, in different categories. So cool!!! This and Credit Karma are my favorite and most used tools. Both are very self-explanatory and efficient. Both come as an app and both were recommended to me by a financial advisor.

3. The third step after gathering all of my financial account into one place (mint/credit Karma) I went to one of my banks and created an inconvenient savings account that was linked one way to my most active checking account. I sat down and signed an automated transaction where weekly $50 dollars is transferred from that checking into that saving (The amount depends on your financial situation but in order to create the habit of saving the amount should NOT be high enough that you are constantly aware of it, gradually you can increase it as you develop better money behavior/income).

Hint: For this to work this saving account should not be easily accessible. It should seriously be a bother for you to take money out (I.e you driving a distance, parking the car, standing in a line, showing ID in order to get access to that money). Do whatever to create in your mind that this money is unavailable to you unless it's a dire emergency.

4. Get Educated from Financially Successful People. One of the best $14 I have ever spent was on Dave Ramsey book "My Total Money Make Over". It's crazy to me how as a generation and people we ask help from people in the same sinking position as us. As my pastor says "you don't taking swimming lessons from a drowning man". I want to be debt free so I had to seek out and learn from people who ARE debt free or close to or at least on the journey. Read the book. It will change your life. 

5. If you have done the steps above and at least YouTube Dave Ramsey by now you've probably heard of the Debt Snowball. Doing all of these things and combining it to Dave Ramsey Baby Step plan I have been able to pay off 3 credit cards and save $1,000+. I am currently on Baby Step 2: Debt Snowball. I have listed the steps below. But the basic reasoning of the Debt Snowball is to start paying off your debt from the least to the highest building momentum. Every payment that is completed you add the amount of what you use to pay toward the next debt until that is paid off and continue until you snowball your way into debt freedom.

I hope this encouraged you to wake up and see this life changing opportunity to change your lineage by becoming debt free. I don't know about you but I am tired of being a slave to money, payments. I am tired of having more bills or month left to money. I am a server/student, it's not that I have a ridiculous amount of money to throw on this debt. But I truly believe that I can get out of debt in 2 years with some hope, tears, sweat and sacrifice. Join me! 

Beloved Rise,