Stuck on Boaz

My prayer is that you Beloved hear my heart and understand my intention in writing this blog. This blog is NOT a criticism towards the idea of waiting on your "Adam/Boaz". I am a firm believer that if it is the will of God for you to be married/ to have a family it WILL happen. One of the many truths that I stand on is that the word of God will never return void. What he says, IS...but I can't help observing that many of us are STUCK on Boaz or this idea of him (an imperfect human being) rather than glued to CHRIST. I can't help myself noticing the irony of wanting to be presented/handed to God's BEST (man of God chasing after Him) yet refusing to be IN HIS HANDS submitted to His will.

So has this concept/ideal of "Adam/Boaz" taken Gods place in your heart? Is Jesus even enough for you? Are you even prepared for that ministry??...because let's be real marriage is suppose to be an earthly representation of the relationship between Christ and the church. Are you ready to follow and serve? Are you willing to humble yourself and work through things even if your feelings are not in agreement?

Can God even trust you with one of His Sons?

There has been such a push lately of women desiring to be in a Godly marriage. That is so awesome!! So many sisters are now creating Godly standards and learning to stick to them. At the same time we seem to forget that all though we are all Gods PRINCESSES, the men we are praying for are His SONS, a KING-in-training. The men after His heart are purpose, they are giving a mission which is to use the talents/gifts given to them to go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that Jesus has commanded them. Hear me well when I say that all though not every man is going to end up in China, Siberia, Africa or wherever, all of them who confess Jesus as their Lord and Savior will have to become Christ ambassador in their spheres of influence. As women according to the Bible we are met to be a HELPMEET this mission.

Now if we were to actually go and study the Book of Ruth (where the story of Ruth/Boaz is located) you can learn that Ruth was in the process of becoming a true HELPMEET long before Boaz entered the scene. When we start in Chapter 1 we find Naomi and Ruth widows with no where to turn and with no one truly to depend on. Naomie had suffered the loss of both her husband and two sons and was devastated. She now had the responsibility of two daughter-in-laws during a period in time where it was difficult to live without the protection and covering of a man. Naomie knew of the hard times to come and the dangers to come while travelling with two beautiful and basically single women and she gave her two daughter-in-laws a choice.

Go back to what they were familiar with (home, family, potential of getting married again, security) or......come with her to an unknown land and face unforeseen challenges while believing in an unfamiliar God. In that moment Ruth had to make a choice. A. W. Tozer said it best when he said that "The choices of life, not the compulsions, reveal character". In that moment Ruth begin forming the character of faith. By declaring to Naomie that her people and God would now be hers she displayed something that many of us women fail in doing today, which is trusting God to order our steps and lead us in plans that are not met to harm us but are created to give us a new hope.

How can we be asking God to give us the ministry of marriage when we aren't faithful in the place/portion we have now?   Why should he bring us to that area of unknown when we struggle in taking that leap of faith of letting that random go, leaving that job, or even just speaking/forgiving that person. It wasn't easy for Ruth to leave all that she knew but she recognized and seized a truth. You can't remain comfortable on this journey with God. Every men or women who truly walk with God had to leave something behind in order to move forward. 

When I get into my feelings, (usually after watching a ridiculous amount of romantic movies) I imagine what it would be like to meet this guy that I am purposed to share this life with. I wonder if our eyes will meet across a room, or would we bump into each other in a crowded area, will I trip and find myself saved from a teeth breaking close call by his hands on my arms, or would it be slow realization after years of friendship. I realize today that the meeting was not as important as the process, which I will call the Eve Process.

I found it so interesting how the creation of Eve had really no active participation on Adam part. Outside of getting a rib (notice it's not a toe for him to walk on or hair to sit on top of Him) Adam was asleep during the whole thing. God his Father saw that he had a need and went about providing for it. Eve was that answered need.

I can't help but to feel that intimacy during her forming. God was literally forming her, stitching her, molding her into the woman she needed to be. The man had no opinion but God had complete control. Whew. I like to think of that brief time as Eve single season. During that moment she had God undivided attention. She wasn't rushing the process because ultimately she was in the hands of the Creator of Time. Only when she was ready according to His Timing was Adam awoken and presented this beautiful gift, which is what we are after going through the process.

How can we tell God to wake our Adam or present us to our Boaz when we keep running from our process?  Every woman who have been presented to Gods BEST has had an Eve Process, a season of preparation, a season of complete intimacy with The Lord. Ruth season of preparation involved her working the land during the beginning of the barley harvest.

When I read Ruth story I feel in my heart that Boaz field was either not the first field she tended/work or that first meeting was not the first time she was found working on the harvest. I say this because when Boaz acquired about her from the guy in charge of the reapers, he was able to tell him that Ruth was Moabite who traveled with Naomie who has been working from early in the morning until that point with just a short rest. He identified her as a hardworking woman, dedicated, something that you don't always see after just one meeting....But the main point is that Ruth was developing a Godly reputation that was preceding her and speaking for her in her absence. I am pretty sure that Ruth was not the only women in the field, but just like Adam eyes were open only for Eve causing an outpouring of adoration so was Boaz to Ruth. Which brings me to a little love note shared to me by God, what he has for you is for YOU. No one can take it in fact he has said in his word "What no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined the things that God has prepared for those who trust Him". Beloved trust Him with your heart and love life. Instead of passively waiting, pining for the Boaz/Adam to come learn to enjoy the Eve Process.

How to Enjoy the Eve Process

1. Develop sound doctrine. It's shocking to me how vulnerable we women/singles especially are vulnerable to horrible doctrine/theology. Instead of pinning for an imperfect man lets agree to study THE  Creator of Man. There are way too many books, podcast, resources available out there for us to continue to excuse ignorance. It's not that you don't know, eventually it comes to the truth that you don't want to know.

2. Develop a prayer life/intimate time with God. Nothing beats spending true uninterrupted time with your Creator. There is something so personal in allowing Him to download himself into you. When you develop that it's more difficult to be fooled into allowing something else become your source. Beside in marriage, women we are called to pray, to intercede in the spiritual realm, cover our husbands, family, friends, environments. I don't know about you but I don't want to learn/develop that skill in the midst of an attack when I have more to lose.

3. Develop a Healthy Lifestyle. How can you get busy doing the work of God if you are always sick and tired. Your body is his temple. It's time we start treating it that way. Beloved let's stop believing lies that we can be great in God while living undisciplined and without self control. Being obese, skinny unhealthy is not godly. Point Blank. Learn to cook healthy meals. Good exercise habits.

4. Discover who you are & mature in areas of weakness. Pastor Andy Thompson shared in a sermon 10 questions everyone should about themselves. Below I've listed the questions from Pastor Andy but I truly want to stress the beauty of discovering who you are with are. What's your love language? Forgiveness Language? Stressors? Stress Releasing Habits? Favorite Activities? Pet Peeves? Likes and Dislikes?

• What are your strengths?
• What are your core values?
• What are your weaknesses?
• What do you like? What does your perfect look like? What are your desires?
• How are you viewed? What do people say about you?
• How did you get here?
• What is happening right now?
• Where are you going?
• Who are your friends?
•  Who are your enemies?

      5. Get your financial life in Order, become knowledgeable on marriage. It's mind boggling to me how we desire for this season but we lack in preparing to be successful in it. Did you know that statistically finances, lack of communication of one of the main reasons marriages end up in divorce?  There are so many great books by amazing authors that teach about happy, successful marriage. How to get them and most importantly how to keep them. Cornelius Lindsey: "So you want to be Married, I'm Married, Now What", Andy Thompson: "Handle with Care", and Willard F. Harley, Jr: "His Needs, Her Needs; Building an Affair-Proof Marriage." Bring something worthwhile to the table start working on you, knocking down some credit card/loan debt. Be active! Check out my blog Live Like No One Else: Debt Free Journey

No man can ever complete your life outside of Christ and waiting to live for that moment is truly an insult of that life that Christ died to give you. So all though this blog was written with my sisters in mind this is an encouragement to all SINGLES, get busy doing the work of God, Get lost in discovering His Character. Don't pine away for the reward of a relationship when GOD is all the gift that we could ever hope for.

God isn't expecting perfection, he is however requiring dedication.

Beloved Rise,

Hypothetically of Course

 I LOVE songs with a story line!! Which is probably why I tend to gravitate towards genres like jazz, blues, country on some days or towards artist like Lauryn Hill, Jill Scott and India Arie. My love for stories is serious enough that I have listened to all the parts of R. Kelly "Trapped in the Closet" *hangs head* and you guys know there was like 50 of them..lol.. Coming off this tangent I say all this to share something about boundaries from personal experiences, how to set them up, how to keep them, and how to avoid "what if" situations.

I am that person during a movie who screams at the screen towards the characters in warning as if they can hear me. As I watch them deal with "what if" situations and completely lose focus and control on their reality I become so frustrated! I can understand them because I am the ruling Queen in running through hypothetical situations in my head, like "Oh shoot I wish I had said ___(insert witty comment)_____ when he was doing that" or "what if I didn't answer that phone call, than I wouldn't be in this mess that I need to find my way out of" I realize the other day that living in my "what if" world is living in a world where I fail to take responsibility for my actions, while constantly living in the past or future. Instead of growing and maturing I was shifting the blame to anything and anyone else, leaving room for the mistake to occur again.

What are boundaries??

Boundaries is defined by Webster as:

Noun 

- A line that marks the limits of an area; a dividing line

- A limit of a subject or a sphere of activity

For me I define boundaries as a guardrail. I see boundaries as a helmet, a mechanism we use to protect our mind, spirit, and body from major injuries just like our helmets back in the day protected our heads when we fell. So many of us see this guardrail as a prison instead of the protection that it is. That is a state of mind that needs to be change before we can even consider setting boundaries.

Ok Jenny.... I understand or can kind of see the point of boundaries but I don't see why I need them in my life....Well to be honest I didn't see the point either until I was consistently finding myself in some hot mess and I didn't have any idea how I got there.

The Why??

I have been celibate for 2 years and 6 months. *Quick shout of joy and excitement* Within that time 75% of it has been unbelievably hard, 20% of the rest consists of a period mark with a mix of denial, frustration, feeling too much all at once on top of a "I'm better than you" righteous that had me tripping and falling, and the last 5% is the I'm getting the hang of it. Thank God for second, third, seventh chances!! 

Anybody who says celibacy is easy is either HIDING or LYING! It's by far one of the hardest thing I've ever done but honestly the BEST active decision of my life. In that time I've come close to breaking it twice and I've taken responsibility for both of those decision because of an amazing "ah hah" revelation that a sister shared with me about relationships. She said, "Men are the gas of a relationship, they will accelerate things, while women are meant to be the breaks", this was simply a lightbulb moment for me.

If you don't have boundaries, the world will give you bondage. You will always find yourself in situations that you weren't ready for. There will always be tests of temptation that you will fail and a wave a guilt and shame that comes after, that eventually will harden your heart after each fall. I had no time to keep failing the same test and I believe your time is previous too!

But I'm strong enough

Ummmm...no your not. I don't mean to bust your bubble but there is a reason why you keep finding yourself in the same situation. It's because you believe yourself strong enough to handle a situation that should have been avoided in the first place. Consider this....the wisest man, a man who dealt with life and death situations, a ruler of nations continuously fell when it came to women and sex. The strongest man, had supernatural strength that defied logic AND nature was eventually destroyed by his lusts, last but not least the holiest man, who was considered to be a friend of God, a fierce warrior who was known in battle was led astray simply with a gaze of a woman taking a bath. So if the wisest man, the strongest, and the holiest both fell in the face of temptation you my friend need to RUN the other way! The flesh is weak, without restraints it will cause your downfall.

Let's get Crackalackin'...The How

1. State the purpose, define what you are going to abstain from (late night convos, sex, pornography, sexual immorality in general)

* Purpose leads to direction which helps in forming motivation

2. Find out your triggers

- What is the environment that has cause you to fall like? Are you more tempted when you hangout with certain people, when you're in certain places?

* Be real honest with yourself: For me I couldn't listen to certain artist anymore such as Ginuwine, Trey Songz, Boyz II Men for awhile or watch shows like Criminal Minds (two words..,Shemar Moore). Even now there are times I have to shut it down because it puts me in that state of mind.

3. STOP being naive!

This was a hard lesson for me to learn because I thought I could play hypothetical games without getting burn, "Hypothetically he can come over while no one is there as long we make out in the living room nothing going to happen" this leads to an epic fail. Having the intention of being good   Isn't enough when you set up an atmosphere for failure. 

4. Write it down 

There is something so powerful in moving a thought in your mind to a written form. When you can see it, read it, it will stick in your mind. Written ideals are building blocks for unshakable principles.

5. Be ACCOUNTABLE!

Not only should these standards be written down but it should be shared with someone who is going to hold you accountable. Someone who will encourage you, remind you, and most importantly pray/speak for and with you when you are weak.

I know it's hard Beloved but it is worth it, avoiding these what if leave room for a healthy reality. Aren't you tired of being played with? Of being confuse? Of feeling guilt? Evaluate yourself and be real. Don't be stuck in an illusion. Below are 7 standards I have for myself I hope this encourages and helps you.

Ruby Standards

1. No Late night conversation with the opposite sex; for me that means no convos after 10:30-11 PM

* There is rarely anything "holy" being talked about during late hours, let's be real

2. No member of the opposite sex outside of immediate family is allowed in my bedroom.

3. No rough housing games with the opposite sex especially where at any point he will be on top and I will be in the bottom.

4. No late night car rides.

5. No hypothetical games or scenarios involving body parts. Speak to me directly.

6. No crude, lewd, sexual jokes because that kind of conversation plants seeds and thoughts.

7. If a male shows you that his intentions are not about helping/maintaining purity, don't compromise, get to stepping.

* If he is not met to be yours, not aligned with your purpose, taking you away from your standards, you are prolonging your destruction NOT helping in his salvation. You are worth more!

Beloved Rise,

Fabulously 23!!!

Eight days ago was my birthday and I was blessed to become 23 years wiser. I honestly had a FABULOUS time! Not because everything went my way (that's a planning misconception) but because I CHOSE to focus more on making memories and enjoy the people who gave me the gift of their time. So this blog is not meant to be too profound it's more of an attempt to share precious moments with you from this past weekend.

My birthday celebration begin on the "Day of Love" aka VDay....Personally I truly really dislike Valentines Day as a holiday and before anyone starts with saying "well you're single of course you wouldn't like this day.... Just wanted to share that even when I was in a committed 5 year relationship I strongly dislike this day. I just think it's a well-advertised cheap replica of True Love that can only be defined by God because He is LOVE....but I digress 

I go on this mini thought spasm all to say that my birthday celebration begin in church! I am blessed to go to a church that not only speaks and show love in action but actually educate and have real conversation about sex, relationships, and love to its Youth. As a Youth Leader I was dancing some of the night with some amazing youth! Almost forgetting that the following day I was going to see one of the greatest shows on Broadway THE LION KING!! 

To say I love the Lion King would be an understatement! My friends can attest to this love affair! So much so that I will dedicate a blog to a review and a genuine reflection. I personally found this musical to be spiritual and extremely moving with themes that truly affect our society today and MUST see in your lifetime! This was followed by quality time with family in NY that I haven't seen in ages!

 

After spending time in NY I had my Thai Food birthday dinner on Sunday surrounded with 16 people that love me enough to spend some time with me. All in all last weekend was a beautiful way to start a new year! I am excited to see what God does in this year! Below are pictures 

Mrs. Henri and I on Valentines Day

 

Sunshine and I =) Best Traveling Buddy!!

The cousins + brother and I (we are a great looking family)

 

 

After Lion King looking down on Time Square-ish

Birthday Smile =D!!

 

My beautiful sis and I (she made me prettyful with my makeup)

 

Skinty and I (have some good looking friends =p)

My Twin =D! Our lipsticks are popping

The Jonathan to my David

Thai Food B-Dinner with all these lovelies