Accidental Revelation

The Summer of my Junior Year in Undergrad I was in a big car accident. It wasn't a major accident where lives were lost but it was big enough that I was shaken and petrified of ever driving again for a long time. That summer was the beginning of God acquiring my full attention.

The Moment

My summer class had just ended and I was being picked up by my then boyfriend.... (a pretty significant part of my testimony for a later date) and I convinced him to let me drive home. At that point I had my license for 2-3 years but I rarely drove because the BF drove me everywhere (something I realize now was just another unhealthy component of our relationship). I rarely went anywhere unless he was with me. Had some serious issues with being alone.

We hopped on the highway which for me is the most petrifying part and everything was going pretty well. I was feeling pretty confident and I begin to switch lanes. All though I've had my licence for almost 3 years at that point I still felt like a newbie driver and I was repeatedly triple checking my mirrors. As I was moving from the slow lane to the middle lane, at the last minute the driver that was coming up in that lane decided he didn't want to let me pass and sped up. Before I realize what happen he was in my blind spot and I was already switching. The BF saw this and grab the wheel......not before I side swipe the other car causing glass to explode. I freak out and froze with my foot on the gas and hit the guard rail which cause us to spin. In an attempt to stop I press both feet on he brake and we end stopping hard all the way in the FAST lane facing towards traffic. It's easy to recognize God's protective hand in a situation like that when you've survived.... 

You know that moment everyone speaks about, that moment when your life flashes before your eyes cause by the realization that you just might die today..... YA I didn't have it. In fact I actually had the opposite. I had a moment where all I could think of was eternity, what came after and I had a moment of complete cold dread. In that moment I realized that I truly didn't know where my eternity would be.

That moment scared me.

Revelation

In that moment I had complete clarity, my eyes were open, and ears were finally clear to hear the gentle call of The Lord on my heart. Some may put this in the category of temporary insanity due to extreme circumstances but in all honesty it was much bigger than that simple explanation. I learn some things that day.

1.      Death does not respect any man, no matter the age, race, gender, education level, dreams, aspirations or whatever else we use to call it unfair.

2.      A moment of clarity/revelation will remain only a moment if we choose to let our lives stay the same (Note: Took me 4 months to surrender to Christ after that moment and another to trust Him with my life)

3.      God never stops trying to reach you in the midst of our hot mess, there is hope as long as we are alive but we truly never know when it will be our last.

4.      Sin is temporarily filling but eternally devastating. Comfortable sin is like a silent noose slowly tightening around our necks.

5.      We are as CLOSE to God right now as we CHOOSE to be.

The last revelation really hit me hard recently. Can I be complete transparent and confess something?? I have a HARD time trusting GOD. It's a struggle for me to spend intimate alone time with him because it makes me feel so vulnerable. I realize that I have had a poisonous wall, engulfed by acid vapors surrounding my heart for a long time...and yes I had to be that descriptive. Not only that but for  long time I had a very well designed facade of a perfect Christian that I use in order to avoid getting any deeper than the superficial level. Sometimes it feels like my heart is left completely in the open, bare for anyone to see. To see all the bruises, cracks, and shallow areas.

God is the most intimate love I have ever had because He is not satisfied with the shallow area that I offer to Him when I am afraid. He wants more of me and he refuses to relent until my heart is His in totality. Yet he is so patient and loving..never forcing me to go anywhere that I am not ready to go. Waiting for me to let go so HE can go deeper, removing all the junk I have acquired living in this fallen world, healing all those festering wounds that I try to cover with bandages, showing me things that I could never imagined, and all the while showing himself everyday to be worthy of my TRUST. Isn't it crazy??! me who is completely unworthy.... is being courted by the Almighty God??  Who promises to be there for me through it all, to give me more joy, peace, love, purpose and protection than I can ever imagine, to love me and show me who I truly am, to fight my battles and provide for me and all I have to do is live a life of surrender body, mind, spirit, and soul.  

What's crazy to me is how much we take this offer, his grace and mercy for granted. While there are men, women, and children being persecuted, beaten, even murdered around the world for their faith and desire for God's word we tend to have so much apathy and excuses.  Paul Walker, an actor most notably known for his role in Fast & Furious was killed in a car accident. I was told this by a fellow coworker and when she first told me I can honestly say that I had no idea who she was referring to. When I finally saw his picture I was able to connect a feeling to the face because one he was pretty handsome and two I was familiar with his movies. Shallow but honest. I am sad that someone lost a son, brother, father, friend yesterday. I pray that his soul is a rest with our Heavenly Father. But his picture and recent death stirred something deeper and more specific in me, a conviction. It reminded me that life is so fleeting, that in a moment it could all be gone. It also made me realize that for me when the end comes I want to know without  shadow of a doubt where my eternity lies.

Is your life a testimony of his love and sacrifice? Are you free from the fear of death?

Love y'all,

I Surrender- Hillsong