Hypothetically of Course

 I LOVE songs with a story line!! Which is probably why I tend to gravitate towards genres like jazz, blues, country on some days or towards artist like Lauryn Hill, Jill Scott and India Arie. My love for stories is serious enough that I have listened to all the parts of R. Kelly "Trapped in the Closet" *hangs head* and you guys know there was like 50 of them..lol.. Coming off this tangent I say all this to share something about boundaries from personal experiences, how to set them up, how to keep them, and how to avoid "what if" situations.

I am that person during a movie who screams at the screen towards the characters in warning as if they can hear me. As I watch them deal with "what if" situations and completely lose focus and control on their reality I become so frustrated! I can understand them because I am the ruling Queen in running through hypothetical situations in my head, like "Oh shoot I wish I had said ___(insert witty comment)_____ when he was doing that" or "what if I didn't answer that phone call, than I wouldn't be in this mess that I need to find my way out of" I realize the other day that living in my "what if" world is living in a world where I fail to take responsibility for my actions, while constantly living in the past or future. Instead of growing and maturing I was shifting the blame to anything and anyone else, leaving room for the mistake to occur again.

What are boundaries??

Boundaries is defined by Webster as:

Noun 

- A line that marks the limits of an area; a dividing line

- A limit of a subject or a sphere of activity

For me I define boundaries as a guardrail. I see boundaries as a helmet, a mechanism we use to protect our mind, spirit, and body from major injuries just like our helmets back in the day protected our heads when we fell. So many of us see this guardrail as a prison instead of the protection that it is. That is a state of mind that needs to be change before we can even consider setting boundaries.

Ok Jenny.... I understand or can kind of see the point of boundaries but I don't see why I need them in my life....Well to be honest I didn't see the point either until I was consistently finding myself in some hot mess and I didn't have any idea how I got there.

The Why??

I have been celibate for 2 years and 6 months. *Quick shout of joy and excitement* Within that time 75% of it has been unbelievably hard, 20% of the rest consists of a period mark with a mix of denial, frustration, feeling too much all at once on top of a "I'm better than you" righteous that had me tripping and falling, and the last 5% is the I'm getting the hang of it. Thank God for second, third, seventh chances!! 

Anybody who says celibacy is easy is either HIDING or LYING! It's by far one of the hardest thing I've ever done but honestly the BEST active decision of my life. In that time I've come close to breaking it twice and I've taken responsibility for both of those decision because of an amazing "ah hah" revelation that a sister shared with me about relationships. She said, "Men are the gas of a relationship, they will accelerate things, while women are meant to be the breaks", this was simply a lightbulb moment for me.

If you don't have boundaries, the world will give you bondage. You will always find yourself in situations that you weren't ready for. There will always be tests of temptation that you will fail and a wave a guilt and shame that comes after, that eventually will harden your heart after each fall. I had no time to keep failing the same test and I believe your time is previous too!

But I'm strong enough

Ummmm...no your not. I don't mean to bust your bubble but there is a reason why you keep finding yourself in the same situation. It's because you believe yourself strong enough to handle a situation that should have been avoided in the first place. Consider this....the wisest man, a man who dealt with life and death situations, a ruler of nations continuously fell when it came to women and sex. The strongest man, had supernatural strength that defied logic AND nature was eventually destroyed by his lusts, last but not least the holiest man, who was considered to be a friend of God, a fierce warrior who was known in battle was led astray simply with a gaze of a woman taking a bath. So if the wisest man, the strongest, and the holiest both fell in the face of temptation you my friend need to RUN the other way! The flesh is weak, without restraints it will cause your downfall.

Let's get Crackalackin'...The How

1. State the purpose, define what you are going to abstain from (late night convos, sex, pornography, sexual immorality in general)

* Purpose leads to direction which helps in forming motivation

2. Find out your triggers

- What is the environment that has cause you to fall like? Are you more tempted when you hangout with certain people, when you're in certain places?

* Be real honest with yourself: For me I couldn't listen to certain artist anymore such as Ginuwine, Trey Songz, Boyz II Men for awhile or watch shows like Criminal Minds (two words..,Shemar Moore). Even now there are times I have to shut it down because it puts me in that state of mind.

3. STOP being naive!

This was a hard lesson for me to learn because I thought I could play hypothetical games without getting burn, "Hypothetically he can come over while no one is there as long we make out in the living room nothing going to happen" this leads to an epic fail. Having the intention of being good   Isn't enough when you set up an atmosphere for failure. 

4. Write it down 

There is something so powerful in moving a thought in your mind to a written form. When you can see it, read it, it will stick in your mind. Written ideals are building blocks for unshakable principles.

5. Be ACCOUNTABLE!

Not only should these standards be written down but it should be shared with someone who is going to hold you accountable. Someone who will encourage you, remind you, and most importantly pray/speak for and with you when you are weak.

I know it's hard Beloved but it is worth it, avoiding these what if leave room for a healthy reality. Aren't you tired of being played with? Of being confuse? Of feeling guilt? Evaluate yourself and be real. Don't be stuck in an illusion. Below are 7 standards I have for myself I hope this encourages and helps you.

Ruby Standards

1. No Late night conversation with the opposite sex; for me that means no convos after 10:30-11 PM

* There is rarely anything "holy" being talked about during late hours, let's be real

2. No member of the opposite sex outside of immediate family is allowed in my bedroom.

3. No rough housing games with the opposite sex especially where at any point he will be on top and I will be in the bottom.

4. No late night car rides.

5. No hypothetical games or scenarios involving body parts. Speak to me directly.

6. No crude, lewd, sexual jokes because that kind of conversation plants seeds and thoughts.

7. If a male shows you that his intentions are not about helping/maintaining purity, don't compromise, get to stepping.

* If he is not met to be yours, not aligned with your purpose, taking you away from your standards, you are prolonging your destruction NOT helping in his salvation. You are worth more!

Beloved Rise,

Fabulously 23!!!

Eight days ago was my birthday and I was blessed to become 23 years wiser. I honestly had a FABULOUS time! Not because everything went my way (that's a planning misconception) but because I CHOSE to focus more on making memories and enjoy the people who gave me the gift of their time. So this blog is not meant to be too profound it's more of an attempt to share precious moments with you from this past weekend.

My birthday celebration begin on the "Day of Love" aka VDay....Personally I truly really dislike Valentines Day as a holiday and before anyone starts with saying "well you're single of course you wouldn't like this day.... Just wanted to share that even when I was in a committed 5 year relationship I strongly dislike this day. I just think it's a well-advertised cheap replica of True Love that can only be defined by God because He is LOVE....but I digress 

I go on this mini thought spasm all to say that my birthday celebration begin in church! I am blessed to go to a church that not only speaks and show love in action but actually educate and have real conversation about sex, relationships, and love to its Youth. As a Youth Leader I was dancing some of the night with some amazing youth! Almost forgetting that the following day I was going to see one of the greatest shows on Broadway THE LION KING!! 

To say I love the Lion King would be an understatement! My friends can attest to this love affair! So much so that I will dedicate a blog to a review and a genuine reflection. I personally found this musical to be spiritual and extremely moving with themes that truly affect our society today and MUST see in your lifetime! This was followed by quality time with family in NY that I haven't seen in ages!

 

After spending time in NY I had my Thai Food birthday dinner on Sunday surrounded with 16 people that love me enough to spend some time with me. All in all last weekend was a beautiful way to start a new year! I am excited to see what God does in this year! Below are pictures 

Mrs. Henri and I on Valentines Day

 

Sunshine and I =) Best Traveling Buddy!!

The cousins + brother and I (we are a great looking family)

 

 

After Lion King looking down on Time Square-ish

Birthday Smile =D!!

 

My beautiful sis and I (she made me prettyful with my makeup)

 

Skinty and I (have some good looking friends =p)

My Twin =D! Our lipsticks are popping

The Jonathan to my David

Thai Food B-Dinner with all these lovelies

 

Love Dare: Challenge Accepted

I can not believe that it's already February!! For those of you who don't know this month is my BIRTHDAY month!! *does Happy Dance* and this year I am becoming 23 years wiser! I am that person that celebrates life everyday so I don't consider my birthday (February, 16th) to be a day of celebration because I start the party starts on the 1st and doesn't stop until March 1st =). I begin to think, what exactly should I do to celebrate my birthday?? Should I go out and dance the night away? Should I travel? Should I throw a big party? Should I do something spontaneously dangerous?......And then I hear deep in my spirit, a quiet still voice

"You should love"

"Well, I thought I did that?" I whispered back. Can I be honest with y'all I felt some type of way when this was place in my spirit. My God must have known that I wasn't receiving this message well because towards the end of the month of January I discovered a song. This song was so profound that not only did it inspire this love dare but it inspired me to make loving hard everyday a mission. The song "As Long as I'm Here" by Brandon Heath says....

Some day I'll pass through the great sky above
And the first thing I'll ask is how well did I love
Did I leave the world any better than it was before?
Of all the things I've done, could I have done any more?

How well did you Love? When it's your time to leave this world no one is going to list the amount of degrees you held or the businesses you started.... they are going to reflect on the memories you shared and the impact and legacy you left behind. The question is not going to be how well did you live but how impactful was your love in a world that is in desperate need of it.

So for my birthday month and as long it takes to make love a habit in your life, I am inviting you to a LOVE DARE. This is inspired by the movie "Fireproof" which I highly recommend you to watch. This movie is on Netflix .

For married folks: You guys can follow this dare to the T. This Dare was tailored specifically for YOU. If you are married and you decide to embark on this challenge, I challenge you to be silent. Allow your actions to speak, go through all 40 days of this challenge, journal and pour out the good and bad during your quiet time.

For Single Folks: I am a bold, radical believer in Jesus Christ. I believe in the teachings of the Bible, which means that I try to live my life with IT as my standard. I believe that marriage is a beautiful representation of the relationship between Christ and the Church, therefore it's a holy covenant that should be between a man and a woman. Until a man has paid the price for you known as marriage, he should not be getting husband benefits which means as a fellow sister of mine stated beautifully "NO WED, NO BED". So many of us are deceived into thinking that singleness is a curse. That is so far from the truth! We as singles are in a privilege position where we get to mature and work on different love relationships in our lives. We get to strengthen these support systems and create a network of accountability that will help you in seasons to come. Don't run away from the blessings and lessons of singleness because society is trying to tell you are incomplete. The fact of the matter is there are way to many INCOMPLETE individuals in "complete" relationships. So the LOVE DARE challenge for you is to seek out a family member who is estranged, that difficult sibling or parent, a friend, someone younger than you that you can pour love to. Tailor the dare to that relationship. To be honest there is not much change that needs to be done. Using it as an excuse just allows you to continue living in less than satisfying relationships.

It starts with YOU

Part of the challenge is to truly reflect on the changes you are seeing and the things you are feeling day to day. Use this challenge to go deeper in your quiet time. Jenny What's this Quiet Time you keep referring to? How do I go about doing it? I truly believe that when someone explains something better than you, don't try to beat a dead horse by trying to explain better. Humble yourself and use that person as a resource. I am blessed to be part of an amazing movement known as Pinky Promise. Founded by Heather Lindsey this movement inspires women to truly love and live this Christian life, by challenging singles to live a life of purity while single in a world that pushes the opposite and for the married women living a life of purity as keeper of her home (whatever that means to you and your husband according to your relationship and the Bible) and learning the true meaning and beauty of submission. She has an amazing blog which she talks about several topics one being quiet time. Check it out here: "How to Spend Time with God" by Heather Lindsey 

LOVE DARE RULES

1. Start on Day 1 and end with Day 40. The challenge builds on itself don't cheat yourself out by trying to skip around.
2. Give it your all. You don't want to wonder at the end of this "Could I have done more?"
3. Do it in secret. I love the book of Matthew starting from chapter 5 to chapter 6. Take time to read and reflect before jumping into this challenge. One of my favorite part of the teaching is Matthew 6:1 "Be careful not to practice your righteousness in front of others to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven"
4. Journal. Reflect and speak to God
5. Don't give up. Before it gets better it can sometimes get worse. True test of love is not loving someone who is lovable but someone that is difficult to love. Those are the people who need it the most.
6. Pass it on. Don't keep this challenge to yourself, all though the person that you decide to have as the receiving end of this challenge should be kept in the dark =) Someone else may need a challenge.
7. Print this. Love Dare
8. Officially starting on February 14th.

 The second greatest commandment given to us by JESUS is to LOVE. The Bible says that "They will know us by our love" not by our awesome knowledge of scripture and theology but how we live this thing out.

Love y'all,

I am your Server NOT your Servant!!!

"Hi...Welcome to _____ My name is---" inserts rude interruption: Can I have a coke with two ice cube? 4 slice lemons and a lime? A cup with boiling water?? New utensils? Some salad and breadsticks? And can I place my order now"... *patiently responds as I internally cringe* "Sure I can get all of that for you, by the way my name is Jenny and I have the pleasure of being your server for today"..... I love my job. I say this with a hint of sarcasm because In all honestly I do enjoy what I do because I realize it is preparation for even greater, it's a flexible field, I create my own schedule, I can walk out with my money in my pockets, I interact with hundreds of guest everyday, I am learning the art of effective multitasking and so much more. But there are those days when certain guests or situations  make you want to scream, "I AM YOUR SERVER NOT YOUR SERVANT!!" While proceeding to flips tables on your way out.... That might be a tad bit extreme.... but it feels like that sometimes and I think I made my point.

You may not be blessed to be a server like I am *inserts smile* but you may be in a field, work or school environment where sometimes you may feel abused, overworked, under appreciated and frustrated. You want to scream and rebel and cause absolute mayhem as you make a fabulous exit----and then reality sets in and you realize...ohhh I'm not part of a TV show and I do have real big girl/boy bills to pay that won't go away simply because I rashly decided to have a fabulous exit.

I have been a server for a year and a couple of months now. All though this is not my first "job" I can say its the job where I have dealt with a lot of things and grown the most. I have also discovered some big pet peeves, some great lessons, and an enlightening moment that has led to a deep revelation. Which I am going to share with y'all in that order. Who knew being a server could be so deep and profound.

PET PEEVES 

1. I come to introduce myself and you cut me off OR say nothing at all. I can speak for majority of servers that this is a major no no. Allow us to introduce ourselves so you can know our names instead of calling every available server in the vicinity when you need something or have changed your mind about an order. For the silent folks please don't blank stare. I can't read your mind. 

2. When I am taking care of other guests, you call me out or obnoxiously wave to get my attention. The Golden rule applies here ladies and gents. Do unto others what you would like to be done to you. It is rude to interrupt and disturb someone else experience in that manner.

3. Asking for items sporadically instead of all at once constantly. When I come to your table, you have my undivided attention. There is a pattern and a flow to providing service for 4-5 other tables. You are not aware of what's going on back scene *you shouldn't be* but be conscious enough to realize that you are not that server only guest.

4. Eating or drinking 3/4 of whatever and deciding you didn't like it. Two reasons why this is my pet peeve. One, speak up and let your server know rather than seeking a manager and telling everyone else first but remaining silent otherwise. Two, it doesn't take that much to figure out you don't like something, please don't complain to get out of paying a bill.

5. Don't tip well or at all. Yet you have me run around for everything under the  sun in the restaurant, monopolize my time when it's most convenient for you, complain about things I can't control and get frustrated when I give suggestions in order to help better the problem.....but you leave great reviews/compliments with my manager -_- #epicfail

With discovering these pet peeves I have learned some important life lessons. One thing I have realized on my journey as a lover and disciple of Jesus Christ is that every situation or moment is an opportunity to learn more about Him, my Creator and Savior, and to discover who I am in Him, a queen to be, loving, caring, discipline, honest, hardworking, patient, and all that jazz. I say this not because this is always how I thought but because falling in love with Jesus is radically transforming my life and renewing my mind. I did NOT always Love myself or carry myself in high esteem, I still struggle with faults and insecurities but I have the greatest help, Holy Spirit, guiding me along the way. So thankful!

LIFE LESSONS

1. You will reap what you sow. I have discovered that generally the effort that you put forth is displayed in your tip amount. Do your best and leave no doubts.

2. Attitude is everything. I am known at work to be ridiculous corny and unusually happy. I learned that my joy is not dependent on temperamental humans or situations, it's founded on Christ alone. Attitude is contagious, it has a ripple effect meaning it has the ability to transmit from one person to the next. I've determine that negative energy directed at me will end with me. Choose joy, it's easier and causes less wrinkles. No one wants to work or live in a negative environment so don't contribute to it negatively. Play your part.

3. Teamwork makes the load easier to bear. I am bless to go to a sound Bible-Teaching church where you are taught how to apply the Word to your life, Jubilee Christian Church *shameless plug* and this year theme is Symphony. It's based on 1 Corinthians 12:11-27. This Bible passage speaks about how we all have a part to play, how no one position or gift is greater than another. So become a team player.

4. Work above the standard. It's easy to do the bear minimum and it's sad that it's become the norm. I have learned to work with excellence as if unto The Lord. It is a blessing that I have mobility in my limbs, air in my lungs, energy in my body, blood in my veins, and a job in this economy. I am not always successful but I like to try to work as if God was my supervisor. I am not always successful but it creates a shifts in my perspective.

5. Don't work expecting approval for everything that you do well. I have no expectations coming in to work in regards to my manager or my guests. Sounds weird but I have learned that us humans are unstable emotionally and waiting for approval or a compliment from them is the equivalent of waiting for the sun to cool down. Nothing against anyone but we as humans tend to be wrap up in our own lives and lose track of recognizing good.

6. Do not judge based on appearance. One of my most memorable moments as a waitress/server was serving a table of 3. At first sight the table did not look promising, the guests looked, and acted,  "ghetto". The server who originally was meant to serve them thought the table would be a waste of time and ask me to take them. As I took care if them I notice they were very polite, funny, and a genuinely pleasant table. Their bill all together came out to be $90-95 dollars. After boxing up their food and making sure they were all set I drop off their bill. I truly had no expectations but when I came back to the floor the gentlemen came and handed me the bill and thanked me for taking good care of them especially since the other server switch them out. I wish them a great day and open the bill to add the tip and was touch to see he left a note and $50 tip. You never know who you are in the presence of and how they might impact your life. Serve (in every essence of the word) well. We all have prejudices, learn and recognize yours and conquer them.

7. First and last impression are powerful. The most touching experience I've had so far is serving a married couple. They were older, somber, but nice. When I first introduced myself, all bubbly and whatnot, I notice a change in the woman's face after I said my name...but to be honest I didn't pay much attention. They were a very easy and laid back table and they didn't ask for much. At the end of their experience when I drop the bill the women thank me and shared with me that she and her husband were celebrating the anniversary of their daughters death. They chose to do that by going to all of her favorite places in Boston and wanted to end by eating at her favorite restaurant. I was so moved and then she said "Our daughter name was Jennifer, she went by Jenny and I think it was comforting to be taken care by someone like you, its like God knew we would need it today". Every life you come in contact with has a story. Listen.

I realize that just like some guests take customer service for granted I take God for granted as well and then a deep revelation hit me and in my spirit I heard.

"Daughter I am your GOD, the Creator, your Savior I am NOT your Magician"

Mind Blown. I don't know if you are like me but if I can be completely transparent with you I get into the habit of seeking God when I am in trouble, or need him to change a situation, or to be quickly amazed by something that satisfies my senses. But this is such a cheap replica to what he really wants to give us. He wants us to seek him for his PRESENCE.

In all of my of my pet peeves God spoke to me a loving message.

1. I speak to you everyday and I want to commune with you about everything in your life. But you have to be still and listen. Don't cut me off and cut me out.

2. My relationship with you is personal. Stop comparing and try to do things that is not you to grab my attention. You already have it.

3. I care about EVERYTHING in your life the big and the small, don't hold back anything from me. Tell me all of it. You don't need to run to everyone come to me.

4. You don't have to try anything to discover that it's not OF me and FOR your good. Don't stay in a dead place.

5. Don't speak well of me through words and live opposite of me through actions. Live for me completely.

I hope in all of my babble something spoke to you.

Love y'all,

Peace of Mind: "When Breaking Up is Hard"

"You, Lord, give perfect peace to those who keep their purpose firm and put their trust in you"

Isaiah 26:3 ESV

 Can I share something with you guys? The honest truth is I really didn't want to write this blog. It's been sitting in my drafts for maybe two and a half weeks. I struggled over thinking about what to write and how to write it. I was highly considering just finding a bunch of bible verses about peace and just add my personal take on it all. I felt convicted immediately and I realize that I was refusing to give God the glory that he deserve by not sharing part of my testimony. This would have been extremely generic blog if I didn't remember a little pearl of wisdom. I was once told that not every test, trial we go through is specifically FOR you, God can be preparing you to minister to someone else. This helps to get out of the "me" mentality

 It's amazing how many of us continue to walk in the mindset that our sufferings are ours alone...when in reality everything that we go through is a catalyst to something greater. This discovery of this beauty truth can't happen until we surrender our pride to Christ and put on the garment of humility and servant hood. In my quest to appear wise, I was behaving like a fool. This was apparent because foolishness is the language of the simple but with God and through his word we can gain wisdom and are given the gift of true peace. I've discovered joy but the journey to this place was a bit turbulent, I've embraced peace but that story had a hard beginning.....

I discovered true peace on January 5, 2012 when I decided to truly surrender my heart and life to Christ. I begin to walk and live in it around April-May of that year. Why did it take me 3 months to start enjoying this peace?? Well....my sinful pride/stubbornness definitely had a large part to play and because of a MAN. My EX was my first kiss, love and everything else following that. We were together for 5 years. He was all I knew, he was my comfort zone. This coupled with my rocky relationship with my parent and teenage hormones led to an extreme unhealthy codependent relationship. I didn't go anywhere without him or really tried new things. So you can imagine how horrified I was when the first thing God told me to do through a dream was to break up with him.

The Dream

I was sitting on a bench in an area surrounded by light, crying. This crying was not normal; the tears were gut wrenching, breath taking, and ugly. I felt like my heart was breaking in half and I was hunch over. All of a sudden I felt an overwhelming peaceful presence sit near me and pull my head gently unto his lap. Slowly my cries quieted as he caressed my hair. I heard him say, "Daughter are you sure he is what you want? I will not force my will on you, but if you let him go and trust me I will give you someone/something than you could ever imagined?" My response, "I don't know Daddy, I am scared"  He continued to gently caress my head.

I woke up in tears.

Isn't funny and beyond silly how we try to bargain with God about things he is trying to strip us from, when it's obvious that THING/SOMEONE is steadily killing us? "I can change him"...."He's all I have ever known"....."But God I know He's in my life for a reason----While God the whole time is telling you "Let go Beloved I have something BETTER for you, trust me"

I believed 2 big lies for so long that they became my reality----- like me you may not even recognize that you have been deceived by the enemy and have been living a life based on a lie.

1.  I had to earn/work for God's love.
2. God was this distant entity who only cared about "serious" things therefore could not be concerned about where I went, what I listened to, what I ate, what I wear etc.....
3. 
   
   

After some reflection I realize that two main reasons why I was so against letting this relationship go is lack of faith and lack of understanding of my worth. I didn't believe that GOD, my Creator, The One who knows me better than I could ever know myself, could GIVE me better. At the same time I didn't believe I deserve or could GET anything better. My peace of mind was quickly following my self-esteem and until I begin to learn that I was in COMPLETE in Christ and not in a MAN I would could never be content and at peace with my life. The word of God says in 1 Corinthians 2:9 "What no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined, what God has prepared for those who love him"------

God loves me and you without us having to DO anything to earn it. His love is perfect and has the power to complete and transform us in such a radical and intimate way that it has no choice but to inspire change in our communities, schools, and homes. His love is consistent, it is patient, and overwhelming. It has the ability to fill those voids left by Fatherlessness, brokenness, abuse, and abandonment, and every other hurt that we have endured while living in this broken and fallen world. 

But we have a part to play.  

A surgeon just finish operating on a patient who was severely slash by a foreign object. The slash was gruesome, it left muscles, bones, and organs exposed. Blood was everywhere. It almost appeared like the patient wouldn't make it through....how could he?? Everyone could see the damage that was done...But the surgeon is skilled, his hands are sure, his dedication steadfast, his attention to detail precise, and his willingness to fight for the patient life strong. Under his care, the patient survives the ordeal and is soon moved to the Intensive Care Unit. All though all stitch up and bandaged, the patient is weak, uncomfortable, and in pain. As he heals the doctor gives him details of the dos and donts for recovery. Now it's up to the patient to CHOOSE to comply and aid in his recovery. 

God is the surgeon! We are that patient left broken and bleeding after a break up or a let down. In his hands you will be able to pull through. In his steady hands that broken heart can be mended, but you have to want the healing for yourself. Just like in the natural what we do during the recovery phase determines how well our wounds heal. How do I do that Jenny?? I want to be healed, but I don't know how to do that....  Well below are just dos and donts I was told by the doctor that has aided me in my recovery phase. 

DON'TS 

1. Do not jump into anything else, especially in the intensity of your emotions. You don't need a temporary fix, you need healing. No void filler can distract you or keep from returning to that place you are trying to leave.

2. Do not torture yourself by reminiscing on the good moments you've had because that's exactly what they were moments. If it was that great you wouldn't be feeling so empty.

3. Do not check social media or stalk. For one that is not healthy whatsoever. It's the equivalent of purposely opening your stitches just to see your blood pour. 

4. Do not bash or sully the name of that individual. At one point they were all that and a bag of chips. At one point they were the "love of your life" and could do no wrong. All though I know you may feel hurt and the breakful was painful I can promise you that demeaning or running someone reputation in the dirt with your words says more about you then it does them.  

DO's

1. Let Go. You can't see beyond or as far as God sees. He knows your purpose, he knows the desires and wants of your heart, he knows YOU. Trust him and take that leap of faith and release what's been stealing your peace of mind and your joy.

* Spend daily time with Him. Journal, read the word, create a playlist that helps you to worship.

2. Forgive yourself. I didn't realize how important this step was until I realize how much I beat myself up over loss time, things that I did, and so much more. God forgives you, and when we repent he doesn't hold it against us.

3. Take Responsibility. It took two. Take responsibility for the part you played.

4. Cut ties as best as you can.  I didn't realize how entangled I was until I had to separate myself. I shared phone line and other things with this man. But I was determine not to fall back to what I was comfortable. Started with social media. I block and cut all ties. I work with my phone company to separate as best as possible. I return what was his on one go. If you know what's yours make a list. Continuous back and forth is a no no. Don't lie to yourself, you don't need that scarf.

5. Guard those gates. Watch who you hang around, the little wisdom "birds of a feather, flock together" is a true statement. Broken, angry attitudes are contagious. Watch you listen, read, watch. They all plant seeds, cool off on Chris Brown, Mary J. Blige, Boys II Men, Scandal for a bit.

6. Get Accountability. Point blank, seek overcomer and you will learn to overcome.

7. Discover who you are with God. HE is so adventurous and he wants to teach you all about Him and yourself. Make Time to spend with him on a regular basis.

Love y'all,

 Gotta Find Peace of Mind- Lauryn Hill

Celebrating 2 years of Purity!! 

Rudolph Light Bulb Moment: "God Speaks"

Have you ever had a light bulb moment while listening to Christmas music?? Well until today that's never happened to me. What I realize as I reflect on this moment is that when you come to a season where you crave to hear from God, he begins to speak to you through the most unexpected and beautiful ways!! Isn't it awesome?! It's like God is intentionally seeking to get your attention by using things that you love like music, nature, literature, movies, childhood memories, anything that has significance to us. This lesson and bit of wisdom has come during a time where I've realized that I have to stop beating myself down because I don't hear God the same way that someone else on this journey hears him. Isn't it silly how we expect a God of such relational intimacy & creativity to interact and communicate with us the same generic way. I thank God that he is BIGGER than my limitations and imagination.

With that said there is one absolute definite way that God speaks and that is through his word, the Holy Bible. The wisdom and knowledge that comes with reading his word can never be attained without first having a healthy dose of fear (reverence) for who HE is (i.e great I AM, the Alpha & Omega, Creator, Savior, Omnipresent, Omniscient God). It still blows my mind that THIS very same God desires a relationship with ME. So much so that he sent The Lord Jesus Christ to die to be a bridge for me to his Holy presence. That degree of Love overwhelms me everyday..... Whew!

                                                                                                                            

As we continue to explore the communication prowess of God we recognize there are several different ways that he has been known to speak to man. I just want to list four that really stands out to me currently....

Ø  Celestial beings, aka angels: One of the best examples of this is Mary & Joseph, the human parents of Jesus Christ. Mary was told about the conception of her son Jesus Christ as an engaged virgin by the angel Gabriel, Luke 1:26-38

Ø  Dreams: The birth and early years of Jesus life was guided and protected by God because he communicated to his father Joseph through dreams, from his escape from Egypt to his return to Nazareth God led Joseph, Matthew 2: 12-21

Ø  Prophecy/Prophets: I truly believe that God had/s anointed everyone to be his mouthpiece but there are notably some that he uses as loud horns to speak to his bull headed people (i.e. Jeremiah, Isaiah, Daniel, and Hosea to name a few).

      v  Side Note: For me one of the prophets that speaks the clearest and loudest is Hosea. Hosea was a young preacher who was told by God to marry/love unconditionally a prostitute, Gomer, who would cheat on him consistently. God uses Hosea obedience & love as a physical representation of how HE continues to pursue, woe, nurture, buy back an unworthy people simply because of LOVE. There is a movie on the Book of Hosea on Netflix if you haven't seen it go check it out.
                                                      
Ø  Inner Voice/Holy Spirit: God WALKED and COMMUNED on this Earth with Man in the Garden of Eden until man fell hard into sin, Jesus was born and LIVED with man until man's pride and disbelief, harden heart led them to KILL the Savior. Praise God that this isn't the end of the story!! When Christ rose again before he left he spoke of a gift that was given to us by God, the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is the remaining part of the Trinity that still walks/lives on this Earth with us. It is the guide, our friend in need, an intercessor, and an advocate. I believe in the Trinity but if I can be honest it's often really hard for me to rationalize and understand the majesty of it all. I have learned to STOP trying to force understanding but rather grow in it. So for me this is how God has been slowly revealing to me this whole thing

v  God: the Great I AM, he is the Creator, author of time, and the essence of my being. Words aren't enough to describe HIM but the few that I use to call him is Abba, Father, Jireh.

v  Jesus Christ: My first love, my Savior, the Son who came to this earth to die in order for me to LIVE. He is amazing!! Falling in Love with him daily is an adventure

v  Holy Spirit: That dear and beyond awesome girlfriend, who gives me advice and direction, the one I contact when dealing with issues as simple as what to wear/what to eat, to intense, confrontational moments when I really want to  tell someone about themself  *ghetto spelling intentional y'all know some people want to make you get out of character*

Now I say ALL of this in order to tell you guys about what God spoke to me about a reindeer

yes.......a reindeer and his name was Rudolph

Cues Music:

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer (reindeer)
Had a very shiny nose (like a light bulb)
And if you ever saw it (saw it)
You would even say it glows (like a flashlight)
And all of the other reindeer (reindeer)
Used to laugh and call him names (like Pinocchio)
They never let poor Rudolph (Rudolph)
Join in any reindeer games( like monopoly)

Then one foggy Christmas Eve,
Santa came to say, (ho ho ho)
Rudolph with your nose so bright,
Won't you guide my sleigh tonight?

Then all the reindeer loved him,(loved him)
And they shouted out with glee, (Yipee)
Rudolph the red-nose Reindeer (reindeer)
You'll go down in history (like George Washington)

I am pretty sure like me you just sang this song, with the music parts included!! Hahaha. Now I just want to share with you 3 points that God spoke to me when I was listening to this childhood Christmas song that correlates to each of the verses above and I sincerely hope that it encourages you and changes forever how you view and listen to God.

1.      When Rudolph was born, he was visibly different. His uniqueness set apart, and caused the other reindeer's that didn't understand to ostracize and ridicule him. His difference cause him to be left out. Then the Lord said to me,

"Beloved, just like Rudolph was born unique and different so are you. When you were being made in the womb, before your mother even knew of you, I LOVED YOU. I was busy stitching you to my perfect image, forming you, placing things in you to be birth at the appropriate time, nothing was a mistake. When you took your first breath into this world, my angels rejoice, and I smiled because I saw you and I knew my creation was good, in all this world there is none like you, YOU are my MASTERPIECE"

Whew! Talk about instant tears. I don't know if you are like me but for a long time I was stuck trying to be somebody else. I really didn't love myself. I didn't like the color of my skin, I didn't like my size, the texture of my hair or the fact that I had an accent (I was born in Haiti =D) and for awhile I was bullied because of all of it. I eventually grew out of those feelings.....and then I accepted Christ as my personal Savior and truly started to live on fire for Him. Persecution is real on these streets especially when you are really living out loud and boldly for him. But be encourage because you are not in bad company, all the apostles minus Judas, the early church members in Acts and our Savior were all persecuted. God has called you to be set apart, to be a holy nation, strange, unique individuals. He has created you to stand apart. I truly understand the desire to fit in but know that a diamond can lose its shine by hiding amongst rocks but never its value. Don't fear standing out, fear instead blending in with the mundane o_0.

2.      During a dark and foggy night when everything seem to be out of their control Rudolph purpose is revealed. There has been moments especially in this season when I have cried out in frustration to God regarding my purpose. He answered me saying

"Don't be so stressed and worried about finding your purpose that you forget to LIVE on purpose. Don't you understand that I am God, I see beyond what you see, and I know beyond your understanding. I have created you for a purpose on purpose, your eyes have yet to see, ears have heard, or your heart have imagined what I have in store for you. But I need you to TRUST me and rely on me beyond your thoughts, feelings, and understanding. Seek me with your all and I will provide for you."

The blessings to come may not be visible in the darkness and persecution that you are dealing with but I encourage you to rejoice in it NOW, because what's coming is better. Your action and behavior in your season of darkness however will influence how brightly your light shine. Guard those gates, live righteously, work with excellence as if unto the Lord, study the word, seek to constantly renew your mind, fellowship with like minded individuals, submit to wise counsel, seek God's presence instead of his presents and observe how the puzzle pieces begin to fit into place. Instead of fretting start praying.

3.      I find it funny how after Rudolph was recognized and promoted the other reindeer's who used to ridicule and ostracize him all began to love them. Now I didn't get an exact message in my spirit from God but I did get this from my sister Heather Lindsey, "Not everyone is qualify to be in every season with you". We must all do an inventory as this year ends, what relationship are we attempting to bring into this new year that God has told us to let go?? Who are you trying to carry into this new season with you that God has asked you to release??

We have to do an inventory and truly reflect on who we are letting speak into our lives and into our future. If you're carrying a past hurt, pain, trauma, or guilt from your past......release it, those things are shackles that will drag you down to where you have been freed from. If you have laid things at the feet of Jesus please leave it there, don't be fooled by the loneliness that you may feel. The past was not that great but the future in His Hands is so much better!

Merry Christmas Beloveds!

Love y'all,